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Where my head is at

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summerain posted 10/3/2013 06:06 AM

So first year anniversary of OW 1 tomorrow. Am feeling a little teary already. WH has been speaking to BW mentor and I'm not really sure what was said but he was a lot more loving when he came home.

He said that there will be a point when I go from surviving to thriving. He sort of said it casually (which means that it's not casual at all) that he knew that last year I started to thrive and he took that away from me.

At first I was a little stunned by it but now, a couple of days later I feel very upset.

He took away my thriving. So I guess that means that I won't take that long for me to get over this.

But I don't know he was the first person I chose to be my family. He keeps pushing me to go back to IC, but my persious one was so horrible. I don't want to go back to my pyscologist which means I won't really be able to start until January next year.

My pyscologist was awful she just made me remember all of the things I suppressed. I don't want to relive them or 'work through' them.

Just sad I guess

[This message edited by lauren123 at 8:09 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)]

MovingUpward posted 10/3/2013 06:32 AM


Even though you don't want to work through your past feelings, it is probably best if you start to chip away at them. These types of things tend to hold most people hostage. They aren't always sure of how to deal with them so they often try misguided paths or they bottle it up an store it.

The fact that you don't want to deal with the hurt of your growing up makes me think that you have bottled it all up. Think this over and see if you want to tackle this. You have many here willing to stand by your side if you choose to do so.

tushnurse posted 10/3/2013 12:32 PM

Lauren - I have to agree with Mu here. The problem with not dealing with that nastiness and packing it away and wanting just move on and "be normal" is that you have no real frame of reference of what is normal, and how to be normal. This just sets you up for further pain, and dusfunction. Perhaps you can look more at things in general, the abuse, how the abuse made you feel, how that isn't what real love is. Not the specifics? Your Dr and Therapist were really just doing their job. Their goal is to help you heal, so you can be healthy. So you can have normal relationships. So you can find real joy in your life.

((((and strength))))

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