At first I didn't because I didn't know better and after the husband told the skankface NC she fired back threatening his job and life if he told. I was scared. I"m a SAHM.
Well now he doesn't work for that company any more. But it's been almost 5 months since d day.
It eats me up every single day that I haven't told the OBS. Is it too late? I have nightmares that they have gotten engaged and I'm too late to tell him.
I'm worried to that since she's finally not contacted us since July that she will again and I don't want to deal with that. And of course the husband doesn't think we need to ruin the OBS life by telling but truthfully I feel like we are if we don't tell.
If I would have been just dating the husband and I found out he cheated I would have left his sorry ass..
I don't think it's ever too late though.
Finally this is R 8/14/13
"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".
I have more reasons as well but anyway...I did not feel bad. My H wasn't her first or last affair. He H kicked her out about a year after the affair anyway. I don't know why. I focused on my family.
Nothing is fair about infidelity- NOTHING.
IF IF IF another one of his OW were married and not tied to his work I might have told.
Do what is right for you, what you can live with.
It's NEVER TOO LATE to the tell the BS.
And now, you don't have to worry about it having an adverse affect on your husband's job or your family's financial security.
It's the right thing to do, Cuppa. You found out about the affair and that afforded you the opportunity to make informed choices about your own life, your marriage, and your family's future. It's only right that the BH is afforded the SAME consideration as you.
To not tell him is to keep her dirty secret FOR her.
Please tell him.
I don't think the husband is in the fog about protecting her. Deep down I think he's afraid his old work friends will find out.
I just don't think I could live with myself if they got married and I never informed him. Trust me my husband is no saint and neither am I but this poor guy thinks he has the most faithful awesome girlfriend on earth and that's not the case.
Sorry but good faithful girls don't offer up blow jobs or carry condoms when she's on the shot and her bf lives 2 hours away. I think she went with my husband because she figured being married he'd never tell and she'd be safe.
I really regret that it took me so long. I regret that the other BS didn't know what was really going on, when I could have enlightened him. And it was the most effective thing I did to stab the lingering life out of the A.
It's hard to do. I was in a place of huge anger -- the MCOW came to our house, while our son was there, and was a crazy mess. That gave me the push I needed. I wish I had pushed myself earlier. I hope you can be a better and stronger person than I was.
About 7-8 months post Dday, she tried to contact my H again, He let loose on her. Said to leave him the hell alone, that she was a sad pathetic pos, and that he felt sorry for her BS, and that if she contacted him ever again he would drive to their city, and his work, and inform him face to face, with enough proof that he would be able confirm it as truth. That was it, never heard from her again.
HOWEVER, if informing someone will come back to bite you, such as if your WS might lose a job (and health insurance!) over it, and that will affect your income, your ability to pay bills, which will in turn affect your children & your and your children's health care coverage, and jeopardize income for the rent/housepayments & bills on the home you've made for you and the kiddos, then I wouldn't tell.
Chances are if the other person has had an A, they've probably had more than one A with other persons.
Is there any way you can inform the other person anonymously? Like using one of those re-mailing places so the postmark isn't from your town or even your state? Or could you use one of those places that will make phone calls for a fee? --but only if you could get away with it and not have this info pointed back at you.
DDay#4 4/5/2013 (NC broken AGAIN)
DDay#5 10/8/14 - caught him reading an "old" email from OW.
D seems like the only option.
I don't know if she's been the OW before but it wouldn't surprise me if she cheated on her bf again. Just not with my husband!
I'm also a SAHM and I worried about MrH's job. If he went after MrH personally or physically, I didn't care. I worried about my kids and what would happen if the BH went after MrH's job. As a contractor, he didn't have the job security xOw2 has as staff.
I knew they were getting a D (I had proof of it through online public records). So I just kept putting it off. I'd ask here and not really get any answers.
Even now, sometimes I wonder...should I tell him so he knows what happened at the end of his M?
That said, it's not fair to them either to live in a house built on a foundation of lies. I grew up in that and it was not healthy.
musiclovingmom that's... I don't know what... but beyond sick IMO
I would LOVE for him to know just to blow up her world but I can't do it. Not worth the shitshow it would bring into our lives. At least not while her and H are still working at the same company.