I was 7.5 months pregnant with our second baby when this happened. While he is very, very committed to recovery, the shock of the prostitute (neither of us had ever had sex with anyone but each other) plus a 13 year history of behavior that I learned over the course of two weeks, I am completely blindsided that my life long love, the person I trusted and loved and cared for most in this world, had this hidden life that was entirely secret to me.
So while recovery for me has been horrible, now we have an immediate problem: how do I have this baby? My first birth had multiple complications, and I labored without painkillers for many hours, with emergency procedures done to keep me alive and then the baby, and all in all it was very hard and my husband was the person who assisted me and supported me the whole time. Now for this one...I just cry at the thought of him being there and being vulnerable and exposed to him again. But I don't have any other options. Because of his job, we live overseas away from our family. I have a couple local friends, but we haven't been here long enough for those friendships to be strong enough to ask a favor like this one (or for me to feel comfortable enough with them.) The one person who I know would fly here to support me is my sister...but she's a week behind me in HER pregnancy and certainly cannot fly. I'm stuck and scared. Does anyone have any suggestions or even words of encouragement?
[This message edited by ShatteredLove00 at 3:33 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)]
It was unclear during my second pregnancy whether my husband (the WS but not at the time) would be able to be at the birth of our second child because he was in detox for alcoholism and it was unclear whether he'd be doing inpatient or outpatient treatment. I also wasn't sure if *I* wanted him to participate considering the roller coaster I'd just been on involuntarily with his detox, he lost his job...
You deserve the birth experience you want. You deserve a birth experience that allows you to concentrate solely on your health and your unborn baby's health. If that means your husband isn't in the room, you need to do what is best for you, particularly since your first birth was complicated and risky from your description.
One thing to mention here, we were in false R at the time I had DD. I still don't regret having him there (okay, maybe sometimes when I'm feeling spiteful), it was great having support.
fast forward 49 weeks later and I am in labor with DD2! He was out of town, and couldn't make it back in time for her birth. I gave birth with no one else there with me, but my nurse was so great that I didn't feel alone. It didn't bother me one bit that he wasn't there. In fact, a small part of me believes it was some of his karma coming back around.
I say all this because with or without your WH you're going to be ok! You HAVE to believe that. Try having him with you and if it becomes too much, then ask that he leaves. Or you could do it the other way and have him come in just before you're ready to have the baby. Good luck!
Our oldest child was 3, and had been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes the year before. Finding someone who was willing to poke her finger to monitor her numbers every 2-3 hours, be on guard for signs of a dangerous level, count every carb she ate or drank, calculate her dose, and administer insulin was nearly impossible.
Being new to the area, we hadn't really established many friendships, and family support wasn't available to help us.
In the end, a neighbor couple stepped up and offered to take her for a "few hours". I labored alone, called him at 5-6cm, he dropped her off with them, then I got an epidural and they broke my water as soon as he arrived......we were doing the best we could to rush everything so he could get back, but it still took a couple hours for our baby to arrive.
At any rate, what I really wanted to share was the reason I didn't just hire a doula and let my husband come meet our baby the next day:
There are pictures of him cutting the other's cords. Pictures of him holding them immediately after their birth. Pictures of a brand new baby on my chest and him looking on. When their birthdays come around, we talk about their birth stories -- and he plays a role in that. He tells them how he cried when each was born, and how exciting it was to see how much they weighed. He tells them about how it was important to him that HE hand me our baby, after the nurses had finished weighing and measuring...and the way he sat beside me, helping me nurse for the 1st time.
Sure...my husband I could have gotten "over it" and made the best of the situation if we had to.
But I didn't want my baby growing up without her own stories that only her daddy could tell...and I didn't want my child with diabetes to feel guilty.
[This message edited by kickboxer at 3:23 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)]