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Sparkles posted 10/3/2013 13:09 PM

Sorry, I have to get this off my chest and I can't say it to him.

So I recently got an email from stbx. We are completely NC except for info on the kids. He writes that he thinks he may possibly lose a client in which case the company won’t be able to afford him. So, in case that happens, I should only spend money on absolute necessities. He did at least add, “As you have been.”

Fine, except I know that in the business he is in clients come and go all the time. They threaten to leave often. It’s the nature of the beast. He also knows that I’m frugal and have never taken advantage of him financially. Cry me a river.

I’m taking care of four kids by myself. In the six months since he ran off, he has come to visit them twice. The first time he flew in and took them out on Saturday and Sunday, returned them in the evenings. The second time he flew in for a day and spent a Saturday with them. Both of these times he stayed in a $500/night suite. To top it off, the kids don’t understand that he it’s a hotel room, not an apartment and feel bad for him. They explained to me that Dads apartment is really small. He only has a bedroom and a living room with a sink…. His actual apartment is gorgeous and on the water and costs more to rent than my mortgage.

It just pisses me off. His tone is commandeering and rude. I think he is stressed about work and wants to talk to me about it but he knows he burned that bridge so this is his way of “telling” me how hard he’s got it.

If I were still communicating with him, I’d really like to tell him that this is his doing.
- Maybe he would have more money if he weren’t spending it on his adultery partner.
- Maybe he would have more money if he didn’t now have to support two separate households.
- Maybe he would have more money if he didn’t treat all his belongings and wife and children as if they were disposable.
-Maybe he would have more money if he didn’t need to have an awesome car.

But hey, since he does/did there are consequences. One of them is that I don’t care if he feels financially secure. I’m going to make sure the kids are dressed and fed and have a place to live.

We are not a team anymore a-hole.

SBB posted 10/3/2013 14:11 PM

We are not a team anymore a-hole.

This isn't about anything other than sharing his sob-story with you so you can see how hard life is for him. Poor widdle fuckturd.

Fuck.That.Guy. He doesn't get to tell you how to spend money. I hope you are getting everything you are entitled to.

There is a great big space in between being frugal and taking advantage of him. Huge.

If he spends like an idiot then loses his job with no savings does that mean he doesn't need to pay you CS?

Are you able to save anything? Do you have any sort of financial security long term?

I hate being at the mercy of his idiotic whims but I am dependant on his end of the bargain for at least a few more years.

If (when) he loses this job he won't find another that pays anywhere near as much. I could end up paying him CS if he successful in completely blowing up his whole life. So I'm saving every cent I can so I am free of that ball and chain.

Sparkles posted 10/3/2013 15:20 PM

Thanks Strongbutbroken - you are completely right, he wants to whine to me about it. I'm sorry you too are still financially depending on someone like this. Is he involved in parenting at all?

We are not divorced yet so no formal cs agreement in place. I’m trying to save a little here and there for the kids for the future. The ridiculous thing about him whining to me about his financial situation is that he has pretty much ruined my financial future. I've been a SAHM for 10 years because we have moved 9x for his job. I can only hope to get spousal support for a few years before I get to try and build some semblance of a career as a middle-aged woman with four young kids to take care of. He will be living quite well as a single man.

I guess in his world you get to crap all over your wife and kids for over a year because you are sneaking around with someone else, then abandon them and then check in when you need a little ego stroking. It all looks so different when you really *see* them for who they are.

SBB posted 10/4/2013 00:17 AM

He has them 50% of the time - he is 'involved' to retain his image, steals time from me to plonk a 5.5 year old and a 3 year old in front of the TV or bloody Angry birds whilst he fiddles his computer or fiddles his whore.

I hope you've seen an L - he will want you to think he's being faaaar more generous than he would be compelled to be but you definitely want to get that checked and locked in.

I had all sorts of promises of support which I foolishly believed. I kept up my end of the bargain - he did not. Don't expect in S/D what you didn't get in your M. Namely, integrity. There is usually none.

dmari posted 10/4/2013 11:16 AM

Hi Sparkles,

Love your vent! I wanted to second what SBB stated about seeing an attorney to see what you are entitled to. Fuck this bullshit about him telling you how to spend your money. That really grates my nerve. Argh!

You are doing great! Continue to move forward!