yeah, sucks. False R is such emotional abuse, along with all the blameshifting, gaslighting, crazy accusations, backstabbing, F***ING BULLSHIT!
I am learning that my sanity required that I develop the ability to deliberately change my thoughts.
If I allowed myself to THINK about the craziness that is false R, I would fall into the black hole of despair.
So I worked very hard on developing some alternative "go-to thoughts". These became habitual things I could conjure up in my head to distract myself from the painful thoughts I seemed to be attracted to.
I've posted about this before, but it sounds like you could use some help here.
Examples of "go-to thoughts" I use ALL THE TIME when I'm hurting follow below. The idea is that when you feel yourself hurting.... tears well up, and you feel that tightness in your chest.... there is a thought that triggers the emotions. If you can start recognizing the thought-triggers early, you can sort of cut them off, so to speak. It helps you prevent the overwhelming pain of negative emotions gone out of control.
So, say I have a thought-trigger. F'n WH blames me for XYZ. What an asshole! It wasn't like that at all! How could he accuse me of that!?
OOPS! Painful emotions will happen if I dwell on those thoughts. Time to change the thought in my head! Red Alert! Thought change needed! What can I think about instead? OK, pick one:
1. Making salad. OK, what is in the fridge? I have tomatoes and an avocado. I'm out of lettuce. I have poppyseed dressing. Making chicken on the grill tonight, so I should stop and pick up some stuff to go in the salad.... I need lettuce, maybe a red pepper, how about something crunchy, like croutons. And sweet, like raisins....
2. The park bench. OK, I am going to visualize myself driving to the park and pulling into the parking area, putting my park pass in the window, walking to the trailhead, checking the kiosk for notices, heading out on my favorite trail, autumn leaves on the ground. Put a fuzzy hat on for the brisk wind.... walk down the trail, pass that really neat mossy oak tree, make a right at the first junction, go out through the glen in the woods to the bench that overlooks the valley, sit down, work on my breathing. Enjoy the view. I can see the (insert vista) from that bench....
3. Car maintenance. Last time I filled up my gas tank I realized I was due for an oil change in about 100 miles. I should get my brakes checked too as I've got a little vibration in my steering wheel when I brake. I could also do a little detailing, go over to my sister's to use her mega-strong shop vac...
You get the idea. Do you have a few things that you regularly do in your life that you ponder for a while? Start making those ponderings a habit, and work on those thoughts to ingrain them, so they are ready when you need them.
Hope this helps....
FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.