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Newest Member: Gypsy2017 (60730)

User Topic: Not sure what to do (looking for others thoughts)
♀ 39146
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

About my feelings and thoughts. Having a real bad day and my BH works away.
He hates it when I bring up anything when he's away or really even when he's home.
Iam not sure what to do with all these thoughts and feelings. WE do talk some. I understand he has so much anger and it is warrented. I am taking responsibility , I did blameshift for the first month now have apolagised for the extra anguish I added.
When he's away its even worse the down days. Usually the build up from him having to leave for works causes a down slide about 3 days out and then we come together before he leaves, and then I fall and I know he does too. The problem is its not discussed. WE know how we are feeling each of us. I feel like I am hiding truths when I pretend its ok. That my day is good. I can't even get off the couch today. We are a year out. We both have stated we want to stay together. We both want our family to be together.
Its just so mumble jumble right now.
What is it like for you?

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6

Posts: 482 | Registered: Apr 2013
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first year was by far the hardest for us. Year two is harder for a lot of folks, but year one was the doozie for us. Things do get better with time and consistent work.

I think discussing these feelings as they come up may be difficult at first, but having them out in the open could be helpful.

Is there a way you can stay in touch that makes him feel more comfortable about being away? Skype sessions with you and the kids? A random text telling him how much you love him?

Hang in there and keep working at it. It can and will get better.

Posts: 30659 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 39146
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We do Skype which has been good. It helps put a face to the voice sometimes the texting when the transmission is bad.
And maybe it is the fact we are at the year point, affair season as its been termed here. It feels like a turning point. Scared to say what we feel. Incase its rejected . He doesn't like to express his anger so when it does come out it has built and its bone crushing. Me the sadness the shame the devastation and the remorse I feel,builds and they seem to collide together leaving us both puddles of muck, which we each support to stand back up. When does he get to smile again. That's what is breaking me and when he's away, its all I can think of. And I am stuck with me.
Sorry all I should probably be posting else where. I am hoping though that those of you that have reached a point of acceptance and clarity and love again have a ......

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6

Posts: 482 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have to deal with your feelings and what has happened and so does he. If you and him want to R, he has to do the work, seek help, read books, do whatever is needed. If he is unwilling then he is showing you who he is. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA and 10/28/15 NEW dday.
Just surviving.

Posts: 1849 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Topic Posts: 4

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