Hi Steppenwolf, thanks for your reply. The reality of her being gone for good is very difficult to cope with. I feel so wracked with remorse. I'd do anything to fix this whole sorry mess and to somehow make it right. I also feel incredibly lonely: I had moved to this city (from a different country) to be with her, so pretty much all my friends are her work colleagues, so I've thrown away my relationship, my friendships and a lot of work (as we often worked together, being in similar fields).
I feel like such a fool. It was like I was somehow on a drug or something, and then I kinda snapped out of it. At least if I had been drugged, there'd be hope, as it would make sense.
The relationship did have problems, but we could have fixed them. Nearly a year ago, though, she kinda "checked out" emotionally after a drama we had (involving family at Christmas, of course!). I just wish I'd kept at the course of trying to work through it.
She has said recently that she wants to go away and not think about me, her current GF or anything to do with the situation(she has a work/study trip for 3 months, starting late november) and then come back and see where her head is at. I'm not sure what to make of this, as I have to soon choose between staying here for work, or accepting an opportunity overseas. She said not to stay here for her, but if I go, am I losing any chance to reconcile?
Also, I guess, I'm a bit angry and frustrated. The OW is now back with her ex and they are happy, my Ex G is with her current girlfriend and seems happy, and I feel like a sad-sack pile of collateral damage. :(
My ex says she could see the OW was interested months before I realised. Turns out the OW has done this kind of thing many times before. I feel played and so very, very foolish. I want my old life back, but I know it's completely out of my control, so I feel stuck. I'm sorry to rant like this, it's just that I have no-one else to turn to. Everyone says I shouldn't have done it. I know that...that doesn't help me. :( Thanks for any advice or suggestions.
[This message edited by polkadots at 4:03 AM, October 5th (Saturday)]