My wife found out about me cheating on her almost two months ago. We've been together for 12 years (married for 3). I cheated on her for 7 of those years by soliciting on CL and going to massage parlors. It was horrible, I was horrible, and i know she is torn up inside -- I would be.
Two weeks ago she moved back into our apartment after about a month of being separated. She spent that month in her parent's house.
First I want to caveat the rest of my post with the fact that I am not sympathizing with myself, I take responsibility for my actions and I am working toward reconciliation.
The first week of her moving back home was good. It felt like we were making strong emotional progress. I am sure a lot of it was forced but either way we needed that first week to go "our way" -- we spent a lot of time together last week, we talked a lot, she even let me sleep in our bed together for three nights.
For the past two weeks I've been going to SA and SAA meetings almost every day, I've been reading books (Out of the Shadows, SA book, The Case for a Creator etc.). I am showing her love as best as I can given the horrible things I did to our marriage and I was hoping to trend that into this week as well.
The problem is that this week she started to seem a bit distant. We aren't talking as much as we did last week, my meetings are taking up all our time (she does to S-Anon too). Yesterday she found a charge on my credit card that looked fishy, it was a $7 charge... when she confronted me about it, I truly didn't know what that charge was for. She assumed it was for a calling card or something to that effect. I was baffled at the charge, looked into it today and it turned out to be a charge for a medium iced coffee and a bear claw from Coffee Bean Teal Leaf from last week. I told her that, but i don't think she believes me.
Today we got into an argument about religion. She is hyper-religious, her parents are hyper-religious too. I am not, I think I am an open-minded agnostic. My way of finding God is to question things about christianity the way a scientist would question the results of an experiment. Is it illogical to reason and question God or a religion? Is all hope lost if i don't find my higher power? I am truly trying. It is fair to say that her attitude toward me and my views on religion are fueled by other variables, the fact that i cheated on her for one.
I'm venting, I am not good at sharing feelings, I will get better at it. Anyway, this is my first post here, I will hope for the best.