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Newest Member: SadDadOf3 (46038)

User Topic: He send me a "thinking of you card". Wtf?!?
BrokenDaisy
♀ 37063
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 3:36 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I received a hand written "thinking of you" card in the mail from stbx about our court date next week. (Divorce will finally be final!) How he is "sorry about what I am going through and that he is thinking of me and wants to support me through this difficult time" WTF?!!

Are you fucking kidding me? Huh? This is all about him wanting to feel like the good person "look at me, look at how supportive I am, I am such a fucking awesome dude". Dickwad, I wouldn't need supporting if it wasn't for all your horrible acts!! This is akin to shooting someone and then saying "thinking of you and I'm here for you during the recovery". Just... Huh? He makes me crazy!! Delusional, irrational dumbass!

I need a better insulting/vulgar/descriptive word of him for my vents. Suggestions?

[This message edited by BrokenDaisy at 3:48 AM, October 4th (Friday)]


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
BrokenDaisy
♀ 37063
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 3:43 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the type of crap he'd always pull. Be an asshole and then buy me flowers or write a card and then expect me to forgive and forget as if nothing serious ever happened. He truly thinks he is a gentlemen and soooo caring. He does it to smooth over his own ego, wants to be told thank you and how awesome he is. You're getting crickets perverted fuckwit. I wish it didn't upset me anymore but his utter delusional state is mind boggling. He truly still believes I've overreacted (to his MULTIPLE affairs, all his sexual perversions - bad bad bad stuff and lies upon lies upon lies.) and that he is a good guy. No you're not. You're a monster, a fucking monster. Just. Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone!

Actually I am most angry at myself for ever falling for such utter bullshit!


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
Phoenix9572
♀ 39987
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 4:20 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((BrokenDaisy)))
Your STBX sounds like the guilt is finally catching up to him. I am sorry that he is trying to tug on your heartstrings in such a way. It is very twisted as you said.
I am going through something similar and unfortunately we have just legally separated so this part of my roller coaster ride is just beginning. I just take comfort in the fact that I know I am making the right decision for my mental sanity and health.
Stay strong and keep those crickets!!


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
BrokenDaisy
♀ 37063
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Phoenix. I am sorry that you are going through a tough time too (((Phoenix))) good luck with the road ahead. It is immensely hard when they start with their mind games. However it is worth getting away. It's the BEST decision I ever made. You deserve better. We all do. Good luck!!

I have after many false R and mistakenly thinking he feels remourse/sorry/guilt realized he really is not capable of it. It has never been about me but all about him. He misses the narcissistic supply (or ego kibbles as I've seen it aptly named on SI). He will do anything for ego kibbles or to make himself feel like a good person. It is not about worrying about me or caring for me. I am fortunate that, after almost 2 years of this, I am at an indifference stage in that regard. He doesn't tuck at my heartstrings anymore, he just pisses me off. I do not miss him or want him back and that is angering him because it means he has no more power over me. He loves his power. He is severely broken and dangerous. (I recently found out just how dangerous, there is absolutely no yearning for me for him at all!) I am however still angry when he tries to play the good guy and make me the bad guy or when he starts playing these mind games. I am done with his games. Also it's petty but for once it would be nice if there was acknowledgement that HE ruined our marriage. Not me. That HE is the bad guy, not me. He is very PA and loves to play the victim. This letter is just all part of that act. I fell for his "remourseful" guilt trips before and they all turned out to be fake and all about him needing power over me and hungry for ego kibbles. He won't get it from me ever again. He doesn't have a good or kind bone in his body. It took me a while to see but now that I do I don't know how I was ever blind to it!

[This message edited by BrokenDaisy at 4:47 AM, October 4th (Friday)]


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been on SI for awhile...and this has to be one of the most..WTF?? things I have read.

I mean..really?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
NewMom0220
♀ 39036
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very strange indeed. Fishing for some kibbles. Should we call him F***ktard?


Me: BS 37
Him: WS 37
20 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2013
ninebark
♀ 24534
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should see the card I would send him in response..lol.

Idiot.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Iamacrab
40410
Member # 40410
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can entirely relate to this post.
WH does similar things, flips out re the impending D, is awful, then sends flowers, nice texts about specific anniversaries of things that are important in my life (some that he never made mention of for any of the yrs we were together).
All an attempt to keep me engaged, while changing nothing on his part.
Manipulative, seemingly like your STBX.
Hope you have a good day today, regardless!

Posts: 103 | Registered: Aug 2013
Cookie7088
♀ 30038
Member # 30038
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now, see, I would be more likely to return the favor....

Something along the lines of a really beautiful sympathy card..

something that say's. ...

"Sorry for your loss..."


Posts: 676 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: U.S.
Faithful w/Love
♀ 33128
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Umm, my wh is like that. He wants to help me in anyway possible. He wants to be supportive.
But, how can they be that when they are the ones that shattered the glass at your feet and watched you walk over the glass cutting your feet and did nothing but stand there and blame us for the glass that they broke?


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2890 | Registered: Aug 2011
sunsetslost
♂ 39885
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My parents raised me right. Oldies on family trips. When I read this a song popped into my head: "Return to sender. Address unknown. No such number. No such zone"


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 781 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
trebleclef
♀ 33488
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hahahaha cookie!

I highly doubt this is guilt surfacing. My XH did/does the same sorts of things. How much it bothered him to get the final papers. How much he misses me. Tells people how he 'still' has hope for us. It's ALL a show, a performance designed to ellicit sympathy and pats on the back and supply his bottomless pit of "I'm a good guy".


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What.A.Psycho.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5735 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
BrokenDaisy
♀ 37063
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You should see the card I would send him in response lol

I've been entertaining myself with the thoughts of what I could send back too...

All an attempt to keep me engaged, while changing nothing on his part.

That's what they do best. Words, no actions. (((Hug)))

Now, see, I would be more likely to return the favor....
Something along the lines of a really beautiful sympathy card..

something that say's. ...

"Sorry for your loss..."


My parents raised me right. Oldies on family trips. When I read this a song popped into my head: "Return to sender. Address unknown. No such number. No such zone"

Hehehe

I highly doubt this is guilt surfacing. My XH did/does the same sorts of things. How much it bothered him to get the final papers. How much he misses me. Tells people how he 'still' has hope for us. It's ALL a show, a performance designed to ellicit sympathy and pats on the back and supply his bottomless pit of "I'm a good guy".

Exactly this!! This is what he does. It's not sincere by any stretch of the imagination. It's not about wanting to help me. It's all about helping himself.


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
SeanFLA
♂ 32380
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a dick.


BS(me) 48
WW 47
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1479 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
HurtsButImOK
♀ 38865
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry he is doing this to you. It creates all sorts of mind fucks.

Why don't Hallmark create "WTF" cards, or cards expressing sentiments such as "just FO and die already". Seems to be a market for them


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 756 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read your post and immediately thought of the line in the "facebook song" by Kate Miller

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7MuwPlOiNQ

about being poked.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5947 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^Go Australia - love that song.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5735 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 18

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