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PurpleYellow45 posted 10/4/2013 05:46 AM

I found out last night that my H- didn't meet Ow online but met her on one of his business trips and that she is a co worker within the company he works with. He said he made her love him. I found pics of her and him together on his phone even after he told me he was telling her that he was going to work on the marriage which he claims he called and told her and she got mad and hung up on him. He said he deleted the pics from his phone and her phone number cause after she hung up on him he says that he wouldn't be able to get back with her now but I dont' believe him.
He said he wanted to try and work on this marriage but how can he if he tells me he don't love me anymore and is unhappy? I managed to get a few of the pics off his phone and send to my email before he grabbed the phone from me. He got real defensive and concerned that I was going to send the pics out to other people and said I need to keep family business in the house. He went on to say that if he sat down and really told me everything, how he felt and everything he knew about me and people in my family and so on that it would devastate me and destroy many lives and he could do it legally and then he'd have to leave the state cause he'd never be able to show his face around here again and that not even his mom and sister who are both deceased knew about it. I have no clue what he's talking about and he was getting angry that I was trying to push the issue. He said it's better he keep it all bottled up inside to himself where nobody will ever find out about it till he's long dead and if people come to his funeral they will find out..I'm no doctor but it sounds like there is something wrong with him and I'm very concerned for his wellbeing. Now after last night I believe he is going to try and contact the Ow and make up with her if he even told her at all. then he went on to brag about how much fun he had with her and that she made him feel like a kid again and at ease and he could talk to her. It's like he is trying to hurt me on purpose. He keeps changing his stories and even his son said he's not making any sense and keeps changing his stories and lying about stuff.

noprincess posted 10/4/2013 06:27 AM

Hi PurpleYellow,

So sorry you are here honey. You've found a wonderful place with great people who will support and guide you.

Your post jumped out at me right away because my H pulled the same thing, believe it or not. Outrageous stories of danger and intrigue, he fashions himself a regular Tony Soprano. Don't buy it for one minute. It's all a cover designed to deflect you and keep you off balance. He thinks if you're all wound-up trying to solve these other mysteries, you won't focus on the real meat of the matter - the fact that he had an affair. Also, the dark mystery allows him cover to continue the A if he chooses.

My advice is to ignore this *story* and stay focused only on the A and your marriage. Has it ended? Is he NC? Don't worry about keeping him safe, or protecting him - worry about keeping YOU safe and protecting YOU.

Keep coming here for support, so many of us have been there and understand.


painpaingoaway posted 10/4/2013 06:54 AM

He's full of crap, and noprincess is right, he is trying to confuse you and throw you off track.

I read your profile, and some other posts, and from that, it sounds like he may be just bullshitting you in order to buy time to get his ducks in a row to leave.

See a lawyer, do the 180, and forget this crap about working on R. Based on what I have read in your other posts, he expects YOU to change everything, and he's giving YOU one last chance...? FUCK him sweetie. Your daughter has it figured out and refuses to have anything to do with need to follow her lead.

This is a totally cruel and remorseless man. Kick him to the curb.

I am sorry.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 6:55 AM, October 4th (Friday)]

womaninflux posted 10/4/2013 10:00 AM

He is probably sick in the head. My SAWH doesn't even remember going to our vacation house 6 months ago after DD. Can't actually remember it. And it was full of crying and fights and him actually seeming contrite.

redrock posted 10/4/2013 10:49 AM

He went on to say that if he sat down and really told me everything, how he felt and everything he knew about me and people in my family and so on that it would devastate me and destroy many lives and he could do it legally

This would be called distraction.

Using your concern and love for your family as fuel to hold you hostage is a common tactic.

He added the twist to make himself the long tortured secret keeper. A secret you never knew & he kept because of his awesomeness. You find out just in time to be told... YOUR TURN. I did so great at keeping the deep dark secrets you don't even know about, you can keep my little old OW secret...

I am concerned that he can't keep his lies and stories straight and is scrambling to find, something, anything to keep his cake.

confused615 posted 10/4/2013 12:02 PM

He wants you to keep family business inside the home?

He should have thought of that before he went out and fucked a whore.

NeverAgain2013 posted 10/4/2013 13:35 PM

Personally? I'd call 911 and tell them he's a freakin psycho and a danger to himself and others. I'd tell them he was delusional and talking about dying and his own funeral. Let them lock him in a padded room and 'observe him" for a few days.

cluless posted 10/4/2013 14:46 PM

All I can say is WOW. The more I read on these forums I see that most of the cheaters are all cut from the SAME cloth -- DISILLUSIONVILLE. I had to be told from the OW's BH the truth and my WH STILL continued to lie.

I would call his bluff. Expose everything! He chose to cheat and bring somebody else into your marriage, YOUR TURN! Let it all leak out and see what you get. It sounds like he's deflecting to keep the real truth from coming out with all this espionage shit. You wouldn't believe the bull my WH was giving me! I guess they think we're stupid or something.

IF he is still working with the OP, he NEEDS to find another job.... PERIOD. But think very hard about this, do you want it to work out? Is it worth it? Only you can answer these questions, you may find that when it comes down to it... she can have him. Good luck!

Butterfly24 posted 10/4/2013 15:41 PM

If your wh knows things about you, then you would know as well, since it's about you, right? As far as things concerning your family, ask them. Tell them what he said and ask if they have any idea what he is talking about.

It sounds like he is trying to bully you into keeping his secret. Keep it if you want, but if you don't then tell it. If it would make you feel better to discuss things with someone, you should. Because honestly, your wh is being a jerk. He doesn't deserve to get what he wants just because he says so or because he threatens you.

He is going to drive you crazy if he keeps making up these stories to try and control you. Take care of yourself.

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