I haven't had much to post about lately (yay) but I do read daily (don't tell my employer please ).
Well, this morning I was reading a post by Hope2B where she made a comment about her WH that made me . So to bring more laughter to our Friday morning let's hear the funniest, yet truthful, (and maybe meanest ) things we said to our WS. I'll go first.
One of the reasons that my fWH gave for continually going back to the MOW was she told him that sex with him was the greatest thing she ever experienced because he was so 'HUGE'. I was actually dumbfounded and for quite a while after this information was divulged but then I blurted out "I don't understand? I've seen your dick up and close and personal and it's nothing to brag about. Are you sure she was talking about you?"
We were driving and I seen a sign for a "ramp dinner". If you have never heard of ramps, they are nasty, foul smelling, root type vegetables. It was on the other side of town. Where we live there is a HUGE rivalry between the north and south sides of town, so bad that the high school rivalry was featured on ESPN. Well we live in on the north side, and Cum dumpster lives on the south side. I said something about of course they had to have the ramp dinner on the south side of town. He said, yeah cause they all stink anyway so no one would know the difference. I said, well... the smell didn't seem to bother you when you were going down on her. That shut him up pretty quick.
He has also always been self conscience of his penis size. He is normal size, but he is a big guy (6'4" and 225 lbs) and thinks that he should be bigger than he is. So I said to him. Weren't you worried she would laugh at your dick when she seen it for the first time?
Me: You think it was attractive?
Him: You see OW's picture. What do you think?
Me: Hey, I didn't fuck it!
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
When I first suspected something was going on, my husband has this bright idea that if he brings me into the business and I work with her and get to know her I won't be so suspicious and jealous. They convinced me that it was nothing and she began to train me in my own business! after 2 weeks she comes to me and tells me she is 4 weeks pregnant and she was scared to tell my husband. She asks if I will tell him for her. During those 2 weeks I had discovered 2 of the 4 times that they went out. She doesn't know that I know yet. So I said sure, I'll tell him tonight after work. we get home and it's like 4am.
Me: So, I had a nice little chat with OW tonight. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
H: I'll take the good first
Me: Ow is pregnant & she asked me to tell you because she's afraid to for some strange reason
H: well, what's the bad news?
Me: It's yours!!!
He told me I was sick for saying that! As far as I know it was just an EA but what timing. I still won't rule out that it's not his until the baby is born.
We started dating again in November 2012 and he moved home in Feb 2013. A few weeks later, he had to travel to her city for business for the first time since July 2012. I told him that she may look different to him now since he's not in lurve with her.
Sure enough, he sees her in the office on his first day. Takes one look and says to himself "What the hell was I thinking?" He called me that night saying "Wow! You were so right!"