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NewMom0220 posted 10/4/2013 08:52 AM

I may need to walk away from the email today. What are some tips that can help me right now? I'm getting emails stating that I stole his son. I responded that I relocated and did not steal his son and that any and all future communications need to go through our attorneys.

Of course he replied that he left me and not his son and we are not a combo deal. I wanted so badly to respond. I've emailed the attorney asking if there a verbiage I should use.

But what are some good tips when you get emailed false accusations and hurtful things?

Dreamboat posted 10/4/2013 09:19 AM

Turn off electronic devices. If you really feel the need to respond, write out the reply and post it HERE, but do not send.

stbx is not worthy of your words anymore. He does not respect you and he has shown you that thru both words and actions. He is not worthy of any of your attention. He is trying to bait you. He wants to keep you engaged. He gets an ego hit when you respond to him. Do not give him any more ego hits.

Stay strong, You can do this.

Must Survive posted 10/4/2013 10:29 AM


Set up your email so that all of his go directly to a certain file folder. Then review them when you want. Also, I NEVER responded to an email until I waited 24 hours. They are no longer a priority. They have to be treated like a business situation.

dmari posted 10/4/2013 11:04 AM

Do not respond anymore. He is baiting you and you are doing exactly what he wants you to do. No more. A simple "all communication will done through attorneys". This will protect YOU. He will accuse you of parental alienation. Ludicrous, right? Keep moving forward, work on healing and rebuilding a life with your son. Rely on family, friends, IC, SI and your attorney. I know it is hard to read the hurtful things ~ that is exactly what he is trying to do. Process the emotions and continue to move forward. You are very brave and strong!! Don't you forget it!

SBB posted 10/4/2013 11:20 AM

Anything that you send to him right now can come back to bite you in the arse.

Block him from your email if they keep coming. Is there any way to have a trusted friend or family member review the emails so you don't have to know what is in them?

He is not upset about your son - that may be a part of it but he hardly ever bloody saw him when you were in his town.

He is upset that he has lost control of you. They all go a little mental when they lose control of us.

Responding gives him back that control. Don't do it.

Post it here. Write out a venty one - make it as funny as hell, unleash as much as you like here.

What helped me when I wanted so badly to respond was imagining him gorging himself on ego kibbles.

YOU know what your reasons are for taking this drastic course of action. Your friends and family know what your reasons are. You didn't do this to hurt him or stick it to him. You did this to protect yourself and your son.

He would not be responding if you found yourself stuck back in his town with no financial or emotional support and a baby to look after.

Find your anger friend and use it to give you the extreme willpower you're going to need over the coming months to not take this kind of bait.

Buckle in - he is going to try every trick under the sun. This is but the first tactic.

I'm so glad you are surrounded by love and support during this time.

Nature_Girl posted 10/4/2013 11:28 AM

There's nothing you can say that will get him to see your side of the situation. Nothing you can say which will get him to acknowledge you have a valid point. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Don't respond to him in any fashion unless your lawyer tells you to and gives you the words to say. You need to forward every damn email & text this nutjob sends to you. Your lawyer needs to be doing something to stop this barrage.

NewMom0220 posted 10/4/2013 11:52 AM

Thank God for you guys. I was sitting in the living room with DS and feeling down. Actually had thoughts of calling him from my parents home line and talking to him. Telling him that I didn't do this to hurt him and that he will see his DS soon. It's true. There is nothing I can say. Nothing I can do at this point. He wants to hurt me by saying, "I left you not my son." Which he did. But he left out the whole part about having an A while I was pregnant, treating me like shit, stringing me along, emotionally abusing me, abandoning me, DS, and the dogs. He had to get that in there that it was me he was leaving.

I have feelings of guilt about how badly I reacted to everything that happened in the last 7 months. I'm reading about NPD and Divorcing someone with NPD and he will probably use all of my texts against me.

I think about the night I came home drunk after a concert and we had sex. I slapped him in the a "what's my name" kind of thing. Later after we had our last big blow out before I went NC he said something about how he should have called the police because I scratched him and slapped him. It's utter bullshit...he I admit I was crazy that night, but it wasn't anything like he later portrayed it to be.

This is a man who lives in a bar. He is a happy hour regular and even got a job as a bar back during this whole thing. He could easily say I'm an alcoholic (I am not) just because things I've texted like, sorry for my actions last night, I was intoxicated.

Anyway, I do have fears that he is going to hit below the belt. I accidentally dropped my phone in the pool a month ago and lost ALL of my texts. He probably still has them all and I'm hoping he drops his stupid phone in the toilet.

I blocked his number from calling me or texting me weeks ago when I finally went NC. So he can't call or text me. Only email.

I set up a folder in my inbox just for him and I'm taking the advice here. All of his emails will go to a folder labeled ASSHAT CLOWN and I'll open them when I feel like it.

At least I know that DS and I are in the best place we can be.

I think I need to go get a pedicure or something to get my mind off of all of this. :)

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 11:53 AM, October 4th (Friday)]

Nature_Girl posted 10/4/2013 12:05 PM

Depending on what kind of phone plan you have, you might be able to get your texts from your provider. Call them and ask. Besides, it will give you something constructive to do.

champ posted 10/4/2013 12:51 PM

So would you be ok if when he has his son he does not let you communicate with him and just lets your email go into a junk folder. He is the childs father and has just as many rights as you

alphakitte posted 10/4/2013 12:56 PM

It's true. There is nothing I can say. Nothing I can do at this point. He wants to hurt me by saying, "I left you not my son."

It isn't important that you set the record straight. Attempts to do so just give him ego-kibbles and keep you from focusing on the real subject - his behavior.

Who knows if he is trying to hurt you or not. He is trying to provoke you. Don't let him.

I admit I was crazy that night, but it wasn't anything like he later portrayed it to be.

He's just rewriting history to make himself feel better. Ignore.

think I need to go get a pedicure or something to get my mind off of all of this. :)

Now you're talking! Pack you calendar so full of things to do for you, and with your son, that you don't have time to think about his spinning and sputtering.

[This message edited by alphakitte at 12:57 PM, October 4th (Friday)]

NewMom0220 posted 10/4/2013 18:43 PM

Champ- I really don't think you know my story or what my son and I have been through in the last 7 months. If he said I want to see my son, I'd open the door for him and let him in. I have never, ever, ever denied him access to his son. Not once. I had every right to move. I was going to move directly after DDay and he convinced me not to but then continued to treat me like crap. I can't tell you how many times I asked him to spend time with his son. I encouraged it. I bent over backwards.

I have no intention of keeping my son from his father and I don't know where you got that from.

Nature_Girl posted 10/4/2013 18:57 PM

Don't let Champ rattle you, Hon. You're doing the right thing. Your lawyer has told you this is the right action. You know very well that if you let your son be alone with his father you won't see him again.

LeopoldB posted 10/4/2013 20:15 PM

New Mom,

You are doing great.

Crickets. Crickets. Crickets.

Keep your sister on speed dial.

Let the lawyers sort out who, what, and when. That is what they are paid for.

caregiver9000 posted 10/4/2013 20:20 PM

Hang in there. Seriously. You need to store up strength and start training yourself to TRUST yourself and to DENY his jibber jabber mumbo jumbo double speak NPD bullshit.

Seriously, all his words are a version of "blah blah fuckity blah, your fault blah blah you are mean, blah blah blah."


Big hugs ((((NewMom)))).

laney57 posted 10/4/2013 20:27 PM

You got this! You and your son are in the best place and your strength is growing. Hang in there. Hugs!

LeopoldB posted 10/4/2013 20:38 PM

New Mom,

Your H is not thinking about his S. He is not thinking at all. He is reacting. In his mind, this is about winning and losing. When you were desperate and did not know how you were going to pay the landlord, he thought he was winning. But then you turned the tables (justified) and moved back home. Now he thinks he is losing.

He does not want to lose. But you have several lines of defense. First, you have your strength, intelligence, and love for your son. Second, you have your family, including a sister who is in law enforcement. Third, you have your lawyers. And fourth, you have a community here that will help support you for months to come.

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