Of course he replied that he left me and not his son and we are not a combo deal. I wanted so badly to respond. I've emailed the attorney asking if there a verbiage I should use.
But what are some good tips when you get emailed false accusations and hurtful things?
stbx is not worthy of your words anymore. He does not respect you and he has shown you that thru both words and actions. He is not worthy of any of your attention. He is trying to bait you. He wants to keep you engaged. He gets an ego hit when you respond to him. Do not give him any more ego hits.
Stay strong, You can do this.
Set up your email so that all of his go directly to a certain file folder. Then review them when you want. Also, I NEVER responded to an email until I waited 24 hours. They are no longer a priority. They have to be treated like a business situation.
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
Block him from your email if they keep coming. Is there any way to have a trusted friend or family member review the emails so you don't have to know what is in them?
He is not upset about your son - that may be a part of it but he hardly ever bloody saw him when you were in his town.
He is upset that he has lost control of you. They all go a little mental when they lose control of us.
Responding gives him back that control. Don't do it.
Post it here. Write out a venty one - make it as funny as hell, unleash as much as you like here.
What helped me when I wanted so badly to respond was imagining him gorging himself on ego kibbles.
YOU know what your reasons are for taking this drastic course of action. Your friends and family know what your reasons are. You didn't do this to hurt him or stick it to him. You did this to protect yourself and your son.
He would not be responding if you found yourself stuck back in his town with no financial or emotional support and a baby to look after.
Find your anger friend and use it to give you the extreme willpower you're going to need over the coming months to not take this kind of bait.
Buckle in - he is going to try every trick under the sun. This is but the first tactic.
I'm so glad you are surrounded by love and support during this time.
Don't respond to him in any fashion unless your lawyer tells you to and gives you the words to say. You need to forward every damn email & text this nutjob sends to you. Your lawyer needs to be doing something to stop this barrage.
I have feelings of guilt about how badly I reacted to everything that happened in the last 7 months. I'm reading about NPD and Divorcing someone with NPD and he will probably use all of my texts against me.
I think about the night I came home drunk after a concert and we had sex. I slapped him in the face...jokingly...like a "what's my name" kind of thing. Later after we had our last big blow out before I went NC he said something about how he should have called the police because I scratched him and slapped him. It's utter bullshit...he I admit I was crazy that night, but it wasn't anything like he later portrayed it to be.
This is a man who lives in a bar. He is a happy hour regular and even got a job as a bar back during this whole thing. He could easily say I'm an alcoholic (I am not) just because things I've texted like, sorry for my actions last night, I was intoxicated.
Anyway, I do have fears that he is going to hit below the belt. I accidentally dropped my phone in the pool a month ago and lost ALL of my texts. He probably still has them all and I'm hoping he drops his stupid phone in the toilet.
I blocked his number from calling me or texting me weeks ago when I finally went NC. So he can't call or text me. Only email.
I set up a folder in my inbox just for him and I'm taking the advice here. All of his emails will go to a folder labeled ASSHAT CLOWN and I'll open them when I feel like it.
At least I know that DS and I are in the best place we can be.
I think I need to go get a pedicure or something to get my mind off of all of this. :)
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 11:53 AM, October 4th (Friday)]
It's true. There is nothing I can say. Nothing I can do at this point. He wants to hurt me by saying, "I left you not my son."
It isn't important that you set the record straight. Attempts to do so just give him ego-kibbles and keep you from focusing on the real subject - his behavior.
Who knows if he is trying to hurt you or not. He is trying to provoke you. Don't let him.
I admit I was crazy that night, but it wasn't anything like he later portrayed it to be.
He's just rewriting history to make himself feel better. Ignore.
think I need to go get a pedicure or something to get my mind off of all of this. :)
Now you're talking! Pack you calendar so full of things to do for you, and with your son, that you don't have time to think about his spinning and sputtering.
[This message edited by alphakitte at 12:57 PM, October 4th (Friday)]
I have no intention of keeping my son from his father and I don't know where you got that from.
You are doing great.
Crickets. Crickets. Crickets.
Keep your sister on speed dial.
Let the lawyers sort out who, what, and when. That is what they are paid for.
Seriously, all his words are a version of "blah blah fuckity blah, your fault blah blah you are mean, blah blah blah."
THERE IS NOTHING IN THAT TO BUY INTO.
Big hugs ((((NewMom)))).
Your H is not thinking about his S. He is not thinking at all. He is reacting. In his mind, this is about winning and losing. When you were desperate and did not know how you were going to pay the landlord, he thought he was winning. But then you turned the tables (justified) and moved back home. Now he thinks he is losing.
He does not want to lose. But you have several lines of defense. First, you have your strength, intelligence, and love for your son. Second, you have your family, including a sister who is in law enforcement. Third, you have your lawyers. And fourth, you have a community here that will help support you for months to come.
