I don't feel you are going to get what you are seeking by having a revenge fuck. (((Grilla))) Please rethink. You will be damaging yourself more and your marriage, also.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Your plan won't do what you think it will. It will bring you to her level and that's not a place you want to be.
STOP !!! Don't self medicate with alcohol, this just lowers inhibitions, and makes you feel lousy later. It's also unhealthy.
Don't self Medicate with sex either. It ends badly in every case I have seen here.
It's ok that you are hurt and hurting. It sucks that she did this to you, but you are worth more. Time to pull yourself up by your boot straps, and go to work. Go to an attorney, find out your rights, go to your dr get STD tested, and get some meds for anxiety at a minimum. Get your head straight, and figure out what you want.
Then methodically go about getting it, but not casual sex to get back at her, you will just end up in more pain, and yes it is possible to hurt more thatn you do now.
I've been an honorable man
Stay that way. I get that you're hurting. What do you see in the mirror? A guy devastated, in pain, hurting? Yet behind that is a man with honor.
Right now, today, you've been hurt by the person you gave vows to. Don't give up the core of who you are! Don't sacrifice your belief in you.
You will get through this brother. Keep posting, we'll help.
Sending you MOJO!
You cant break an already broken vase.
If you want true revenge I suggest you D your WW. Then find some perfect woman who will never cheat on you. And live a happy life enjoying every day with her. THAT is perfect revenge.
If you stay M to your WW then revenge is off the table. There is nothing you can do that will even the score. The M is already broken. You breaking it more will do nothing. You will end up feeling hollow and stupid and dirty.
One other thing.
We BSs are always saying that our WS choice to cheat is on them. That to blame us by pointing to M problems is a unjust excuse. That their choice had nothing to do with us and everything to do with them.
If you choose a revenge affair you do so NOT because your WW cheated. You do that because you are not an honorable person and instead are a self involved narcissist. If you choose a revenge affair you do not hold the high ground. If you are wanting to level the playing field you will end up down in the gutter with your WW.
Choosing a revenge affair is the same as choosing to cheat on your wife had she not cheated herself. Cheating is cheating. A revenge affair is not higher or more noble than what your wife did.
IMO it is best to choose to be an honorable person with integrity.
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Madhatter here. I've been in your shoes, and I did what you plan to do. Take a listen to me brother.
Just like any A, it WILL make you feel better for a little while. And it won't be worth it.
In my case, my WW was urging me to "have one of my own" until I gave in. It didn't punish her at all, it just let her off the hook, and delayed our ultimately successful R for years. Years!
It also set me up for a lifetime of PTSD because I betrayed my own moral code. Actions out of sync with values suck. Betrayal is always terrible, but self-betrayal is the worst of all.
And, even though I had the tacit permission of my AP's H, I lit the match that blew up their M and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
Other than that, worked out "well".
[This message edited by MoreWould at 3:03 PM, October 4th (Friday)]
Sorry you are hurting. The pain is intense, and cause us to have some really crazy ideas sometimes.
As the others said, this is a bad idea.
You've already been through so much pain, and you are still going through pain. A "revenge affair" is really just a fancy word for cheating. It's self destructive behavior. Do you really want to cause yourself even more pain?
I'm glad you came here to talk about this. That tells me that there's a big part of you that doesn't want to do this, and knows that it's wrong. There's a lot of folks who have been through similar thoughts and experiences, and have been able to heal immensely.
Hang in there and keep talking to us, man...
My filthy cheating wife.
I certainly relate to that sentiment, Grilla.
I could sit here and whine about what she did to my ego and my heart or I can have a little playtime myself.
Don't do it, Grilla. You'll just be a "filthy cheating husband." Your standards, values and mores are yours to protect, no one else's actions can take them away from you. Remember this:
23 years of loyalty
Are you willing to sell that out for temporary gratification? Don't give her the power to make you less than you are.
There is a reason why they hate that so much. Because there is really no comeback for it. Hell, if you use it enough they'll leave you because it hurts THEM too much. THAT's really the only weapon we have for retribution, and it's a good one. I don't suggest that you use it all the time, but it's a nice tool to have in the arsenal. Don't give it up.
[This message edited by Montreal at 1:13 PM, October 4th (Friday)]
You didn't deserve to be treated the way your WW treated you, no doubt about that. I would also say that you deserver to treat yourself better too.
If you D you can put your WW and her A in the past for good. If you have a RA, that will travel with you the rest of your life.
You deserve to be happy. Sometimes that means tough, sad, choices. But you can make it through this.
I feel for you brother, I really do.
I will pack my belongings and just disappear with my new woman.
If that's what you want to do, by all means do it. But do it with integrity. Leave your wife and find a new person to share your life with.
Because any woman willing have an A with you and is willing to run off with you in secret is exactly the same as your
filthy cheating wife.
Ill never be the same person.
That does not need to be your outcome. Itís ok to feel this pain and know it will get better for you. Keep working on finding healthy ways to work through the pain, not damage yourself.
[This message edited by foundoutlater at 1:18 PM, October 4th (Friday)]