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Newest Member: scorchedearth (60708)

User Topic: This has sucked the joy out of life....
♀ 39652
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lost it on the phone today. WBF called while on his lunch break. We usually spend that time talking about whatever. Today, the topic went downhill fast.

I made the comment that I was worried he didn't spend time with his friends, his age, anymore. He said he liked it this way. He says he loves his life being about my kids, me, our home, his work, and US. He doesn't need those friends. We have our friends as a couple (all much older than him). This worries me.

Anyway, I brought up that every time we are around a group in his age bracket, I see him act different. Almost like he's "trying" and "wanting" to fit in with them. I see it as him missing that, and by being with me, he's stifling his true wants.

I should explain that we are twenty years apart (I'm 46, he's 26). This relationship wasn't supposed to go anywhere. At least not for me. I had the issues with the age difference. He wanted it, and I felt it couldn't possibly survive. I don't want to be a 65 year old woman one day, with a 45 year old husband who is chasing after anything in a skirt. I've been hurt so much already in my past. He ended up cheating early on in our relationship, and I didn't find out about it until after we were already living together. He seems beyond remorseful, and is showing me every thing he needs to, to make this work. But because of my age and experience, I'm fighting it, and have my doubts.

Today, when he said he only wanted me, I threw back at him an example of how I see him eventually cheating again, and why I still have endless doubt.

Last year, I ran a 5k mud run, with a beer/music fest, and campout after. He met up with me that evening, to do the camping with me. By 1130, I needed to crash. I had been up since 4am, going on 3 hours of sleep, ran the race with 15 obsticles, had hiked both of our camping gear in, and did I mention I'm 46! When I said I was going back to the tent, he decided to hang around the campfire with the people close to his age, to include these idiot perky 20ish girls. He eventually got back to the tent, and I just ignored him and went to sleep. I never called him out on his shit. And at this time, I wasn't aware of his cheating in our past.

So today, while on the phone... it hit me like a ton of bricks. That shit had said how much he wanted to go camping with me, yet he stayed with the other people, when I went back to the tent??? Ummm, he didn't run the race, and was supposed to be there to be with ME. So one year later, on the phone today, I let him have it (about all his games).

I don't think I've had a chance to yell at him during all of this (about his lies and ONS). My children are usually always home, when we are home together, and the last thing I want is for them to be scared over any yelling. So I've held this shit in.

I'm so fucking pissed right now. This shit, his actions, it sucks the fun out of everything. I can't go out with him, without me thinking he's wanting to fuck the chick next to us. I can't watch my children's sports without me thinking asshole is checking out the other mommies. I can't go to a store or a theater or a football game without me realizing he is probably there more interested in the tits and ass.

Yep, I could be wrong. But this is what their lies and betrayals have left us with. Damn them!!!

I couldn't figure out why I can't get the motivation to go back to the gym, or have a night out with girl friends, or start running again, or sign up for this year's 5k.

Well damn... it's because his actions stole the joy out of all of it.

And frick, camping? Something I love... thank you WBF for sucking the joy from that too.

[This message edited by TrulySad at 2:29 PM, October 4th (Friday)]

I've been a BW and a BGF. Dealt with adultery, physical and emotional abuse, and sex addiction.
Today, I'm a 49 year old woman who's trying to be happy and live my life with a loving heart and hope 😊

Posts: 947 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 39652
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this hit me when I realized I didn't even want to have a glass of wine in the evenings, lately.

Not wanting a glass of wine? I want my JOY back

I've been a BW and a BGF. Dealt with adultery, physical and emotional abuse, and sex addiction.
Today, I'm a 49 year old woman who's trying to be happy and live my life with a loving heart and hope 😊

Posts: 947 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally know where you are coming from but you are the only one who can change how you feel about things. Meanwhile, life is passing you by. Allow yourself to grieve and reflect but sooner rather than later you have to dust yourself off and start living again. Do it for yourself! Don't let life pass you by bc someone else was a jerk.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 932 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This would be a hard one for me. I don't think I would ever be able to feel safe with a guy that young, even without the infidelity, but that's just me. I don't run races or probably have the same drive that you have, but the age difference would certainly be a huge factor to deal with after infidelity. I really wish you luck on making this work. (((HUGS)))

BS-54 XWH#2-No longer my monkey
M-11yrs LTA-5yrs Divorced 8/15
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

Posts: 8791 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 39053
Member # 39053
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are going through this. In a way I can relate. My wh is younger than me, but only by 5 and 1/2 years. I have felt pretty much all of the things you described. But in my case, it isn't really about the age difference, it's more the way my wh acted.

I would catch him checking out women, just staring at them. Not just looking, as I know people do. I would call him out on it. He has stopped doing these things, at least in front of me.

I love to play softball. We were on a team and he would stare so much at this one particular woman that all the joy was sucked out of this for me, we stopped playing. I love the beach, again he would stare so much at other women, I would be sitting there almost in tears. Again, the joy was gone from something that I loved so much.

The type of woman my wh would be staring at was tall, thin and blonde. I am blonde, but I am neither tall nor thin, I'm not big by any means, just average.

You want to know something funny though? I look much younger than wh. People tell me I look like I am in my 20's and I am over 40.

Posts: 64 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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