SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

toasted22 posted 10/4/2013 15:14 PM

Hi Everyone, question needing help with.

In a discussion with BS, she is struggling with me having any interactions with any other woman whether they be colleagues, mutual friends or family.

So how can I help my BS to become more relaxed with my interactions with woman?

Currently I am doing these things to help.

Telling BS of any interactions
Telling BS content of interactions
Abiding by my boundaries regarding interactions
Engaging in IC
Having an open book policy regarding Computer, cell phone
GPS monitored, which doesn't always work which causes tension for BS

I realise that it is a matter of time and being consistent for trust to be rebuilt.

Any other suggestions?

TrulySad posted 10/4/2013 15:50 PM

My WBF no longer has any interactions with mutual female friends unless I'm right beside him.

As for colleagues, he's limited it to only work related talk. He keeps all his texts in his phone, so I can see what was said. His iPhone is switched to only text messages. iMessages don't show up on our statements.

We don't have any issues with family, but I will say if they weren't immediate female family members, they were deleted from his facebook.

We have limited our spending time with large groups of people. I have the same issues at your BW, and for us, it just helps to give me peace for now.

He also no longer views porn, doesn't allow himself to be on sites that show almost naked women, and he's no longer going out with the guys. He's admitted the guys will always turn any conversation around to something sexual about a woman in the area.

The last big suggestion I have is to be completely honest with you BW. Even if it hurts her, she needs to know you are willing to expose yourself completely to her.

cluless posted 10/4/2013 19:32 PM

My WH is NOT to have any interactions with females unless they are work-related. He can't talk to a female without flirting, or telling them all the intimate details of our marriage.

My suggestion, don't talk to the opposite sex about anything but work related topics.

annb posted 10/4/2013 21:05 PM

toasted22,

My D-Day was 8+ years ago.

Since that time my WH has not interacted with ANY woman other than purely professional interaction on the job. No phone calls from them or texts either, all work-related issues via email which I have access to.

No discussions about the weather, the family, the weekend, nada, everything has come to a complete halt. Stopped attending all social events on the job involving women. No problems with family and close female friends that are friends of the marriage, and I am usually present when we are with my friends.

You need to be proactive in doing or (not doing) what makes your BS feel safe.

My WH has had no issue with this boundary since D-Day, and he understands that he does not *need* to interact with any women except professionally.

Your BS may feel differently a year or two down the road, but right now she is probably an emotional wreck, and ANY woman in her mind is a threat to your marriage. Not rational, but nothing is rational after this nuclear bomb is dropped on your marriage.

The only men my WH socializes with out of the office are family members and an occasional breakfast with a male friend.