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Newest Member: Notnemore (60749)

User Topic: And I'm back
♀ 20704
Member # 20704
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I joined this board in 2008 when I found stbx trolling the internet for sex and affairs and what not.

Long story short, we separated and then he was diagnosed bipolar. I figured I could give him a 2nd chance.

Yeah, so much for that. Things were good for a while but then they went downhill fast.

I found out that not only was he trolling the internet for sex, he was watching porn AT WORK on his work phone.

So not only risking our marriage and our health, but his job and our home.

I told him 6 weeks ago I wanted a divorce.

But how do you do it when you're basically broke?

We haven't told the kids yet so we're still sharing a bed with a body pillow between us. I hate it, I want my own room. I want my own little home. Me, the kids & the dogs.

But there are so many roadblocks in the way. We can't afford to keep this house if we separate. There is nothing to rent on this side of town so if me & the kids move that means a change of school. If we walk away from the house, I won't be able to afford a car in 3 years when my lease is up. I don't work full time. I work part time from home and own my own business (that is something new from the last time) I was building my business so I could eventually leave, but one night when we were home alone I confronted him with the list of promises he made to me when we got back together. It has about 13 things on it and #2 was that he would not look at porn. I asked him which promises he had kept and he said "definitely #2"

I gave him 3 chances to change his answer.

I'm done digging for proof because I am just done.

Tonight when we had 20 minutes alone he basically told me he didn't think our marriage was over. He couldn't be more wrong. I am DONE. I believe us still living together is giving him false hope.

But how is this done?

Me: BW 43
Him: WS 43 (Cantgoback)
Married: 14 years, together 16
2 boys (15 & 12)
2 Dogs
D-Day 7/31/08 - again 8/24/13
Separated but sharing a house

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: NJ
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry I don't have very good advice to offer here. Just offering a "bump" and a hug to let you know you've been heard.

That's a long time to work on things. I'm really sorry that he didn't honor everything you put into it. Time for a fresh start.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, first things first. See a lawyer (free consult). Bring your taxes, paychecks, pension information - better yet have a synopsis of it. Give him your situation and ask for best case scenario - worse case scenario. Ask the lawyer - how can this be done?

In short, gather the information that matters now. Sit back and make a plan. If you don't make much and you file you may be able to get some form of legal aid. You won't know until you ask questions. I knew one couple who built an efficiency apt. in the basement and WH lived there. Increased the value of the home while keeping expenses fairly level... you have to find out the possibilities and then get creative.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4432 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 3

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