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User Topic: Does their craziness only increase??
sleepless34
♀ 40274
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a really rough meeting with Mr. Integrity yesterday at the Divorce Therapist. OMG. I really wanted to play it cool, I am so much calmer now, but jeez, he was SO nuts and was pushing all my buttons that I felt like killing someone.

If possible, he is even crazier than before. Do they get crazier and crazier and then implode? Does the craziness wear down or build up?? The communication is only getting harder and more difficult as he has created some other reality that gets more and more distant than the actual reality....how do i deal with this MOFO??

The list of crazy things that pissed me off:

It is my fault the kids are upset and having stress related health issues because I don't let him see them enough. He is angry about the schedule even though it is a schedule he agreed to at the last session. and I upheld exactly as planned. He is also pissed he can't see them everyday and parent them...Hmmm, that is what happens when you have an affair and leave your wife, and maybe they are upset because you blew up the family not because they don't see you enough?

It is also my fault that my SIL invited me and the kids to Thanksgiving as a way to support us and show us that side of family is still family. Apparently, I masterminded a plan to create a "prisoners dilemma' for him by going to his families Thanksgiving and I have screwed him because I won't go with him and he will have nothing to do? Ummmm, are you insane? I am not going anyway with you ever. That is what happens when you get divorced asshole. You don't get to spend holidays together as a family....

Apparently, I have also slandered him and made him 'persona non gratis' with friends, neighbors and family. I said, I don't have to slander you, people just know what you did and don't like or respect you because of it. No slandering needed, just the truth. How is what you did my fault??

Also, I was apparently an awful wife and our marriage was terrible for years. I was "THE BOSS" and the kids would tell you if asked them how mean mommy was to Daddy and that he is the best Dad he knows of, and me, well I was a controlling and cold bitch and we were always fighting constantly....Um, NO, I said, there is not ONE person in the universe that would agree with you on any of that. And BTW- you are the one that is a proven lier and cheater, whereas I have no history of lying, so keep that in mind as you are making up more lies!

He claimed our daughter asked him 7 times if she could have sleepover at his apartment, and he wrote it down in his notebook with date and time each time. He also said she sat on his lap for one quarter of her sister's basketball game because she was so happy to see him and misses him so much. Well, again, just because you say something or write it down doesn;t make it true dumbass. I was at the BBall game, she went over, said hi, he pulled her on his lap, she sat there one minute and then returned to where I was sitting. The lies come so so easily...it is like he says it to make himself believe it and it doesn't matter if anyone else does or not.

WTF, how do I handle this douche?? I don't want to inflame it, but I also can not take it anymore.....already doing NC, but he is bitter and angry with me somehow for not letting this go down how he wants it to....


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 446 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing that ended the crazy for me was having as little contact as possible with ex during the divorce. Well, and since the divorce, too.

A couple years after the divorce, I had to deal with ex about something, and we were able to do it politely and rationally. So I do think that for most the craziness dies a natural death.

But during the divorce? Oh, such a not good time. It was the only time I ever got physically afraid of ex. I really did think he was going to lose control one night, but fortunately I got him to leave before anything escalated too far.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12187 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't understand why you're attending divorce counseling or therapy or whatever it's called. What is the purpose of these sessions?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10133 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do think that for most the craziness dies a natural death.

Fingers crossed for this.

I don't understand why you're attending divorce counseling or therapy or whatever it's called. What is the purpose of these sessions?

^^THIS. Why put yourself through this?


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5733 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not be attending any sessions with him if you intend on divorcing.

Yes, the crazy ramps up during D. The craziness has continued for me post D because he still owes me money.

My hope is that as the last financial strings are cut there will be nothing left to be crazy about.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4819 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do think that for most the craziness dies a natural death.


Fingers crossed for this.

I have to say that for me, a lot of it is because I am NC with ex and wifetress. My kids are young adults now, and I don't have to have the kind of communication with their dad that people with young kids have to have with ex-spouses. I learned to stop inviting the crazy in. Makes my life a lot easier.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12187 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
newlysingle
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, October 4th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Were you married to the Gnat too? He said all the same things to me, even the part about me making everyone hate him. They must be brothers from another mother.

I agree with everyone else that NC is the way to go. The crazy did die down as our contact became less and less. Now that the D is final and there isn't much to discuss we're pretty civil..most of the time anyway.

Attending counseling with him sounds like torture. How are you looking to benefit from this?


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 983 | Registered: Mar 2013
sleepless34
♀ 40274
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, thanks for your responses.

We started going to the Divorce therapy to have some one mediate our conversations we had to have about the kids because we are not able to even speak to eachother.It was also originally set up for her to see the kids, but she wanted to see us together for an intake session. It was so bad, that she said we should do a few more sessions to help us try to communicate as parents in the best insterest of the kids. It is more like a mediator than therapist. Sane third party....

He seems to listen to the therapist, but won't listen to anything I say, so it has been good for me in that she mostly validates my point of view and has gotten him to back off in some instances with regard to him getting more visitation. The problem I face in the state I live in is that if he really pushed the issue in court, he would probably get 50/50 custody. I feel like I have a better shot trying to convince him that while it may be legal, it is not in the kids best interest or is it practical for our family.

But, I am starting to feel like it isn't really working for me anymore. It isn't really that productive and he it doesn't seem like he will even listen much to her. Now that the kids started going and they are getting help, I am not sure it is worth it for us. I have to think through if it will hurt me in any way legally to stop going, like he might be able to say that he wanted to try and be civil/work on it outside of court...but I am not so sure. It is helping to stall him and slow him down a little, but man IT SUCKS AND I HATE IT!

I don't know, If I can treat it like a game it might help me use her to convince him to agree to my plan for custody, but it also may not work and I f**ing hate it. I just don't know!

ARGGGGHH. I hate that POS so much. Kids doing first sleep over tomorrow night and he is like the most engaged, super fun, Dad of the year all of a sudden. So, good for the kids, but seriously, what a crock of shit!!!


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 446 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like he's always the victim, it's always everyone else's fault, never his fault, and he's perfect. Typical personality disordered traits. You can't reason with crazy, so don't try. He's never going to get it. It's hard to tell if their craziness increases, because everyone is different, and it depends on if they are disordered or not I imagine. For me, the craziness died down with him, but he rears his ugly head once in a while. He baits, I don't bite, he tries frantically to get me to engage, I don't, he eventually gives up and goes away. I have read, thought, that certain personality disorders their behavior escalates as they get older.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3559 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Ashland13
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I'm discovering is that as the divorce progresses here, X is more "crazy" in attempts to defend himself, especially when there simply is none.

That's much of the reasoning that he blames me for anything and everything under the sun. He and his family have this tendency to believe that their SO's are stupid and they choose people they can control and "advise". As holes in X's personality come through, I am more frustrated with this.

But that's one of the theories I've heard for the crazy-making behavior.

Also, things we need or want no longer match the goals that our WS's have and so to our perspective it will appear "crazy some of the time, especially as we grow further and further apart and more and more documents get signed.

Yes, unfortunately there is self-protection in NC but it's terribly hard to do.

I think marriages are rewritten also because X only seems to remember misery, which is basically when I didn't agree with him right away. He doesn't talk about all the things done for him, rather all the times he was "failed". Making it someone else's fault takes away the burden of blame for themselves and X found a very na´ve OW who will believe his lies and accept him even when she finds out he lied.

Your WH isn't in control of the show anymore and if you can somehow, I find it best not to react because that will be held against me. I wait a while and he tends to calm down or try another tactic.

Your WH sounds kind of like X with the pity party about "slander" and it sounds like he's fault-finding with you-if you can be careful with this because I had something happen where I didn't do anything but ask X to be more timely coming home and he had letters written by his L to mine to ask me to "cooperate"...when he was late bringing DD home and all I did was ask why and where was my kid.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2413 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 10

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