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She's fishing.....

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emotionalgirl posted 10/4/2013 19:08 PM

The other night my WH stopped at a friends house on the way home. He called to let me know when he never would have before so 1 point to him!

This friend is not my favourite person but they have known each other longer 10 years longer than we have been married so I leave it alone. The friend knows the OW and is the one who introduced them. Funnily enough the friend kept telling WH he was being a jackass and cut contact with WH for awhile because of the A.

Anyway.....WH got home and told me that this other friend we know was there, she asked if he had spoken to OW lately, WH said no. She then said to him....she lost your phone number and wants to call you to let you know about finding her birth mom, said I am supposed to give you her new phone number so you can call her ( weird thing is this friend could have given WH number to her but has given his number out before and WH lost it on her so she won't do that again). WH told friend that he does not want her number and never wants to talk to her again and doesn't care how she is or what she's doing. Told friends he never wants to talk about her again. 2 points for WH! 3 points because he told me about the whole thing when he got home.

She is obviously fishing, and I am a bit nervous because these friends of WH are not friends that I spend time with. His one long term buddy I am not concerned about but this other friend ( who is actually just a really good friend of his buddies) obviously does not get that WH wants NC. WH sometimes goes over too watch football etc in a big group, now I have to pray OW is never invited ( she does live way across the city so unlikely but still a concern)

The OW just does not get it. WH is doing everything right and I am trying to trust, but I do not trust OW at all! Why did he have to bring this into our lives!!!!

Feeling frustrated today!!!

LosferWords posted 10/4/2013 21:54 PM

Sounds like your husband did handle this in the best way possible.

Do you all have a game plan in place, just in case she ever does show up at one of these football parties?

Sorry to hear she is fishing. That's just all sorts of crazy to deal with right there...

emotionalgirl posted 10/4/2013 23:30 PM

He did handle it well and I am proud of him.
He says he will just leave if she is ever there. He doesn't spend a ton of time with these friends. What bothers me is she could be there and he could not say a thing to me, and I would never know. I am trying to trust be so hard.

Dreamland posted 10/5/2013 00:13 AM

Did he ever write a NC letter to the OW ??? Making it clear it's over.
Good got your Hubby to tell you :)

standingonmarble posted 10/5/2013 07:13 AM

Does he have a plan in place if these friends keep at it? If they keep bringing up OW? Is he willing to dump them to save his marriage?

emotionalgirl posted 10/5/2013 12:41 PM

He did write a NC letter. I can not see him giving up the friends as they have known each other longer than he has known mem. His one buddy is a huge fan of mine though so he definitely won't be inviting OW. It's the others that are the issue. I am trying to just believe that he will leave if she is there...time will tell.

Thanks for the support I said it is just so frustrating that he brought this mess into our lives!

Gemini71 posted 10/5/2013 21:01 PM

You WH may need to tell his 'friends' that if they are not a 'friend of his marriage', he will have to take a break from them for awhile. He needs to tell them that when they encourage the A or the OW, they are doing him a disservice, and he doesn't need friends like that.

RockyMtn posted 10/5/2013 21:14 PM

OK, so I get that you don't have a problem with the one friend. Which is legit - sounds like the guy has defended you. He gets a point, too!

But there is no reason that their friendship can't continue...without these other extraneous folks. It sounds like your WH will be resistant. But why does he need to go to these football parties? Why can't he just hang out with the one decent guy one-on-one? If your WH balks at that well, then, I'd have a problem with that. You're not taking away the person that actually matters to him - you're only asking for him to preserve NC (every time the OW is brought up, it erodes NC, as far as I am concerned, even if it isn't your WH's faulty) by cutting out all these peripheral people. If they aren't important to him, then it shouldn't be a big deal.

standingonmarble posted 10/6/2013 09:27 AM

One of the sacrifices that a wayward has to make, one of the consequences of his bad choice is to lose the friendships that support the A, whether that be actual conspiring to hide or have any connection to the AP.

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