Why is this happening to me? WH tells me he wants to save his marriage. Dammit then why did you ruin it? I just want to give up. Take the time to deal with this without him and then maybe one day fall in love with a man who truly understands the sanctity of marriage and not take me for granted for one second.
Starting over with someone else would surely be easier than starting over with a man who cheated.
[This message edited by suposd2btheonly1 at 10:59 PM, October 4th (Friday)]
I could have written this post word for word a few years ago.
All I can say is that it's up to you to see whether the M is worth saving, but if you have a remorseful WS then you have time and resources to discover that.
Remember that you don't have to make any decisions today or tomorrow... just take everything one step at a time as you regain your sense of self.
Im just waiting for the day that he "gets it" and actually tries bc he knows he needs to show me, not try hoping its enough to keep me quiet for awhile.
Every time I see a man on his cell phone in his vehicle early in the morning I wonder if he is talking to an AP.
And this is my life... you are not alone.
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
Honestly I have lost so much faith in humanity, specially men, that I assume they are all cheaters. I know it's not fair, because not everyone is, but I think if my H did it, anyone can :(
Then I also think of my marriage and how it would be so much easier starting something new rather than try to fix something that is so broken.
However, when I look at us there is that little glimmer of hope that doesn't let me give up completely. There is still love from him and remorse, and trying to do everything possible to save this. I am giving myself time also, not making any decisions now and just trying to see where this takes us. I'm analyzing my H actions to see if it's worth it.
When I think about just giving up and finding someone else, I also think that I have NO GUARANTEES that I will be able to find that man who will not take me for granted and actually understands the sanctity of marriage. Yes I could find someone but what tells me that this new someone isn't going to cheat on me too? So then I rather work on this marriage with this man I still love (don't ask why) and give him a second chance rather than risk another relationship with someone else, who I know I won't love like I love this one :/ sad, I know, but just my two cents.
It's horrible really, and it tires me out. Whatever else I am doing or thinking, I have this affair related thought train constantly running along underneath it all.
I sometimes feel like it would be easier to walk away, but I dont know if that is reality. I question my perception of what is real and true on a daily basis.
We're working on 9 months of R. I think about the A every day. Some days are good, some not so good.
I do wish you the best, it's not easy and it's not fair, but it's what we've been given and like Jrazz said, it's up to you to make the decision that's right for you.
Best wishes, you're not alone here!
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
As my H and I get further out from Dday and the trauma recedes in my heart and my head to a memory rather than a daily event, I can see it was worth it to stay to R. H has worked hard to help me heal and become a real partner in our M again.
We are one of those couples people look at and tell us how lucky we are and they want to find a love like ours....some people have called us 'cute'....YUK!
But they don't know our history and you know, I think any couple who makes it 30...40..50 or more years living together probably have all sorts of deep dark secrets that outsiders may never know, but they made it through and beyond them and are still together.
For those of us surviving infidelity, we had BS who were able to do what it takes to help us heal and find their way back to making their marriage work and we as the BS's were gracious and loved them enough to work hard at R and change too.......Sadly not everyone gets that chance to R but I also read about many others who ended their marriage and found their way to a better life too.
Giving ourselves the time to heal and make our own choices when we are ready is the gift every BS can give to themselves.
[This message edited by Alex CR at 10:31 AM, October 5th (Saturday)]