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Feeling obsessed.

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EmotionalFool posted 10/5/2013 02:39 AM

CL and I have separated. As of now we have informed our families, its due to work.

He needed a break and wanted to be alone for some time.
Its been more than a month now. Initially both of us found it a bit relaxing. But since last week I find myself spiraling down. I am getting very obsessed with CL. He has asked me to talk to him only for work and nothing personal.
Last week he told me how much he is struggling and I have been feeling guilty ever since. I wanna meet him and make sure he is ok. I want to talk to him.

Antiversary is approaching and I find myself waking up in the night scared. I desperately want to meet him. I find myself obsessing over him. Its been very difficult not to call him or just book a flight and meet him. I have been waiting for these feelings to pass but they are getting stronger and stronger each day.

I am clueless how do I deal with this.

20WrongsVs1 posted 10/5/2013 08:21 AM


What are you doing to fill your time? If you feel like talking to CL and getting your feelings out, have you tried writing him letters that you don't send? Or, Journaling?

Take up a hobby, volunteer at the local art museum or food bank, work on a project around the house like repainting a room or installing a new faucet in the bathroom. Buy a beat-up chair at a thrift shop and refinish and reupholster it.

Learn to just "be." IMO that is the cure for obsession. But "obsession" seems like the wrong word when it's your H. Compassion, preoccupation, longing...but obsession sounds unhealthy.

LosferWords posted 10/5/2013 11:26 AM

As long as he knows that you are there for him, there's really nothing you can do beyond that.

I agree with 20Wrongs' sentiment, in finding some good, healthy activities to fill your time. Simply waiting for these feelings to pass will only provide you with more pain, I think. Perhaps you can work on rebuilding yourself, and let these feelings pass on their own while you are doing so. Maybe you can try to accept these feelings, and feel these feelings, but at the same time don't let them rule your life.

Take care, and good luck.

Jrazz posted 10/5/2013 11:27 AM


What you are going through sounds pretty normal under the circumstances.

You definitely need to try and steer some of the focus back to yourself. I know that your head is screaming to take control of the CL situation, but it's just not possible.

You can train yourself to redirect. Just fill your day full of things for you that you need to do - exercise, shopping, hobbies... obviously you're not going to forget about him but you need to get to a place of inner peace no matter if you are in a relationship or not.

Is IC an option right now? I think that would be a huge help too.

stillaround posted 11/4/2013 19:37 PM

Checking in to see how you are doing, EF? Hope you are feeling better and in less of a downward spiral

EmotionalFool posted 11/5/2013 13:37 PM

Thanks for checking in stillaround.

Thanks 20WrongsVs1, LosferWords and Jrazz for your feedback. Sorry I did not come back to this thread.

I am doing okayish. Obsession has reduced and I am focusing on work. But things still havent improved on CL front.

Unagie posted 11/5/2013 14:07 PM

That is, not to sound insensitive, CL's issue to deal with. You must focus on you EF.

stillaround posted 11/6/2013 11:19 AM

Glad to hear you are feeling a touch better. As indicated by others, try to focus on yourself and moving forward while you two go through this period ...

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