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He said he doesn't love me...

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anemie posted 10/5/2013 07:15 AM

He said he "cares" for me and always will be he doesn't love me and probably never did. I thought we were doing ok until my postpartum depression hit. But apparently I was wrong about so much. I put my oldest 3 kids through hell when I divorced their father and now it looks like I'm about to do it again. I asked if he would consider counseling and he said no. So I guess we are done. I feel like I have wasted this entire year trying to work through everything with him after his extramarital activities and now I'm leaving broken. I would have been better off had I left a year ago.

ShatteredPagan posted 10/5/2013 07:18 AM

One of the most painful things too hear from a WS is the "I love you but not in love with you" line. I'm so sorry for you.


annb posted 10/5/2013 07:26 AM

Anemie, I am so sorry for you and your children.

It takes a special kind of a$$hole to break up your family knowing what they have been through in the past.

Are you in counseling? I would also consider counseling for your children to move them through the painful process of another divorce.

Please meet with an attorney and know your rights.

There are many members here who will help walk you through this if you take the D route.


SerJR posted 10/5/2013 07:52 AM


I don't think he truly knows what the words "care" and "love" mean. His behaviour is only a reflection of his emotional capacity - it is not yours to own.

Please do see a lawyer as annb suggests. You need to protect yourself and know your rights. Please take care of yourself, see a doctor or counselor as you need.

I know how difficult this is. The very best thing you can do for your chidren is to show them how a healthy person responds to adversity. Change is a part of life, but we are able to navigate through it, take ownership of our lives, and move forward in a constructive way.

Kelany posted 10/5/2013 08:06 AM

Is he still in the affair? It sounds like he is underground and in "lurve" with his AP.

anemie posted 10/5/2013 08:27 AM

No he is no longer in, they both ended well before I found out.

trappe25 posted 10/5/2013 10:16 AM

Dear Anemie:

So sorry. Your H is a selfish man right now. Maybe he will get better, but who knows. Nice to figure this out after he impregnates you and all. All cheaters are selfish first and then everyone else is just a side line - until they get a lot of help and are willing to get a lot of help.

I know how busy you are. If you can, please eat only healthy food - a lot of vegs/fruit/water and exercise as much as possible. Work on your health and body and your mind will follow along.

Stop worrying about him right now - he is lost. You are not. Eat right, work out, play with your kids and tell them everyday how lucky you are they are with you and how much you love them - everyday.

SoOver96 posted 10/5/2013 11:48 AM

Hugs to you I'm sorry you are having to deal with us I know if my WS said that I'd tell him to get out right then and there keep strong for you and your kids

Tired05 posted 10/5/2013 18:22 PM

Is he still in the affair? It sounds like he is underground and in "lurve" with his AP.

I agree with this. He just randomly came out and said this? Maybe it's a new AP?

Either way, i'm sorry you have to go through this so soon after your baby. At all really.

Kalliopeia posted 10/5/2013 18:26 PM

I think he is still in the affair too. Or some affair.

anemie posted 10/5/2013 23:28 PM

You were all right it's a new affair person, it's been going on 3 months, our baby is only 11 weeks old...

suckstobeme posted 10/5/2013 23:40 PM

Oh no! I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine having to go through this with an infant. It's a special kind of cruel.

All I can say is that I agree with the notion that your WH has no idea what love is. None at all. He's an empty selfish shell of a man who has the emotional intelligence of a third grader. (no offense to third graders)

Please gather your thoughts, drink and eat whatever you can stomach, take care of your babies and see a lawyer immediately. Know what you can and can't do with the assets and get the correct information regarding child support and whether you are entitled to maintenance. Don't wait on this or else this black hearted soul may waste your share of the money and assets while you are busy caring for an infant. Take back your control no matter how hard and how much this hurts.

RidingHealingRd posted 10/5/2013 23:49 PM

I am so sorry for your pain. My heart hurts for you. {{{anemic}}}

Do you have family close by that you can lean on right now?

You are stronger than you know ~ you will get through this.

anemie posted 10/6/2013 17:59 PM

Thank you for the kind words. I outed WH to the OW, he told her he was getting divorced and we hadn't had sex in months. I set her straight, I did get some truth out of him, it started when he was looking for sex on Craigslist and met her on casual encounters, all within a week of our son being born. He has continued to have sex with her multiple times a week since then. I don't know where to start or what to do but I think I am finally done.

AppleBlossom posted 10/6/2013 20:31 PM

Anemie, I am so sorry for what has happened. The only silver lining I can see is that at least you know now, and not years and years down the track. Now you can focus on your wonderful children and your little bubbie.

What a cruel and heartless man your WH is for saying that he "probably" never loved you - I am not sure that even if he did feel that way (and I dont think that he did) that it was necessary to tell you.

Wouldnt it be nice if he just had the balls to say "I cannot handle the responsibility of marriage and children, so I am off"

Please take care of yourself.

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