1st: I expect to see my exwife with a brand new haircut- the women may be able to answer this, but this seems rather temporary to me. Very short lived. Not something dealing with whatever issues my ex had.
What is the best response when i see it? Ignore? Compliment?
2nd: posting inspirational quotes or "moving on" quotes on Facebook or Internet. It's been my experience that this really goes nowhere as well, My exwife posted, "I choose Joy" once, she got a lot of "likes", I came home that same day and she was all depressed and crying on the floor. This was when she was looking for a job so she could leave me. For the record, I comforted her (about a year ago during R).
3rd: always trying to smile, and use a "happy tone", to me.
4th: finding God. This isn't a bad thing, but it seems like the person entirely changes and has new strength. But do they?
Are these tricks to make me think she is doing great and moving on just fine? Look, I'm not trying to win her back, I'm trying to heal and be indifferent. It's just strange to hurt so much, and see these signs like the other person isn't going through it...
Are there any other behaviors or changes I should expect to see?
[This message edited by Running the Race at 7:35 AM, October 5th (Saturday)]
Indifference will come. But don't try to force it.
As to other behaviors, I couldn't say. I've tried my best to ignore the stupidity other than what pertains to my kids...
Those FB quotes...what is it with those posts that get our goat? My WW posted one about finding her inner strength, finally...implying that she finally had the strength to leave my ass. All it took was me finding an email and confronting her about her lies.
Don't worry about whether her behavior is tricks or not. It doesn't matter. What do you need to heal that doesn't involve her?
1. Ignore the haircut. She fired you from the job of the loving husband who tells his wife how great her hair looks. You don't need to say a thing. I chopped my hair shorter and did not want to hear a word out of XWH's mouth about it (even positive words).
2. Block her on FB. Why are you reading anything she posts on there? It will only emotionally set you back. We all know that people post pictures and quotes that make their lives look perfect when they are really in bad shape.
3. She's happy? Be polite and civil. No need to respond happily in kind, but don't call her out on it. The more you practice your polite but indifferent demeanor toward her, the more second nature it will become.
4. If she's found God, well, maybe it will be a good thing as long as she doesn't preach to you. Otherwise, ignore it. She may very well go through all sorts of phases and changes, but again, she fired you from the job where you're supposed to care about that.
It's hard at first, but you will become more and more indifferent over time if you work at it and make it the new way you respond to her. Now, I barely speak to XWH; the longest conversation we had lately in person lasted about 30 seconds and was only because our DD was sick, and we needed to talk about her care. I hardly look at the man, and as long as he's not doing something to hurt our kids, I don't care if he grows a beard, starts speaking with an English accent, and takes up cricket. His life, his issues, no longer my concern.
Cut it out, shrink it and carry it with you at all times. Read it often. I can't emphasize this enough.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
she seems to really dive into her church, but at the same time she goes out drinking with her friends
A lot of WS try to justify what they did by showing what a good Christian they are. It is not going to church or quoting scripture, it is her behavior that counts. She knows what she did is wrong.
My ex and MOW quoted scripture to each other and talked about how God talked to them about their relationship and he told me what a "good Christian" she is. This while both are M and in A with each other.
Yeah, right. What ever helps you look in the mirror.