SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

jimbo25319 posted 10/5/2013 19:28 PM

When I was "attached", I had to beat women off with a stick. "I'm sorry but I'm married" was a weekly part of my vocabulary.

Now that I'm "unattached", it's like I'm a leper. I can't get the time of day from women.

I don't get it. I'm in the best shape of my life, and a good catch.

Anyone else experience this.

LeopoldB posted 10/5/2013 20:11 PM

If only neediness and desperation were attractive qualities.

Williesmom posted 10/5/2013 20:14 PM

Uh. You're still married. Sending off the divorce papers to the attorney doesn't made you "not married".

What's the rush?

jstbreathe posted 10/5/2013 20:16 PM

Married men are a challenge for many woman. A chance to prove they are pretty enough, sexy enough, desirable enough to make you compromise your marriage vows. To them it's a game, and they are in it to WIN! If you are no longer married you are no longer a challenge. Plain and simple.

jo2love posted 10/5/2013 20:22 PM

(((jimbo))

You have a lot going on right now between starting the D process and the emotional rollercoaster you've been on the past 2yrs. I'm sure when the time is right, you will find someone wonderful and trustworthy. You deserve happiness. I believe it's out there for you.

Maxiom posted 10/5/2013 20:42 PM

My experience has been, that when you aren't looking for a romantic partner.. like when you are already in a relationship, you are generally comfortable around women. In all forms of communication. Verbal and non-verbal. However, when you are looking .. even if its just peripherally.. some of us may place this additional pressure upon our selves. We're out of our comfort zone. That will be noticeable in speaking, but will be far more noticeable in body language.

The person you are speaking to will notice.. generally subconsciously, but they will notice.

Have you ever been in a room with someone clearly nervous? I don't know about you but it drives me crazy. I can't get comfortable.

Its kind of the same thing, just at a more subtle level. If a women detects apprehension.. they will be apprehensive.

Confidence is quite attractive, but you don;t have to exude it.. you simply have to be comfortable in your own skin.

Now if the divorce is very new.. or you aren't finished with it yet.. you may be giving off the "warning.. extreme baggage alert" sign.. which comes in the form of completely undermining your confidence and your level of comfort. Which in turn is not terribly attractive.

Edit; I didn't see your other post. I'm now going with my last point. You may not feel like a hot mess.. but you are. The only thing you are going to attract right now is terribly broken.

Personally.. I'm not going for even 6 months on the bus, so I totally get it but just give yourself some time.

[This message edited by Maxiom at 8:50 PM, October 5th (Saturday)]

jrc1963 posted 10/5/2013 20:53 PM

Do you really want a new relationship or is just the ego boost of being noticed that you're after?