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Newest Member: OneLittleVictory (61821)

User Topic: Ripple effect of the pain
♂ 36857
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do we sometimes overlook the pain that Infidelity cause via ripple effect?

WS has A.

BS is devastated.

WS's parents are shocked, ashamed, confused, angry, sad and hurt.

BS's parents are hurt, the parents' best friends grieve for their best friend's pain, children are hurt, best friends of children are hurt, etc.

Here's what brought this to mind. I learned yesterday that my sister's daughter (my niece) is having an A. My sister was crying on the phone, as she told me about it. She was very hurt.

So, my question is this. Do BS (myself included) and the WSs, in the midst of our horrible pain and its aftermath, not see this ripple effect clearly, or at all?

[This message edited by nomistakeaboutit at 5:43 AM, October 6th (Sunday)]

Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 6 (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12

Posts: 1288 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I definately saw it. My biggest problem with what my wxh did was that he ripped apart 2 families, and caused so much emotional pain to he 2 young boys.

He didn't see it- he couldn't understand why everyone didn't want them to be happy. He did t understand the pain and ultimate shunning by my family, because "he didn't do anything to them".

Crazy making, for sure.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9177 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ 40605
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I see it...clearly. I would never purposely risk causing my loved ones this kind of pain. Our children don't know the specifics but nevertheless, they are affected. His poor mother, who I love so much and who is dealing with cancer, now also must deal with knowing what kind of awfulness her only son is capable of. The list goes on. I would never risk hurting these people. I guess that's the big difference between he and I.

Me: BS, 46
Him: WH, 47
Together 24 years
4 amazing kids
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Choosing myself daily and R almost every day

Posts: 699 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
♀ 40762
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

absolutely there is a ripple effect. My husband's family cut ME out. I didn't have the affair but I was angry because his sister does what she normally does and focused on herself and didn't check on her I screamed at the sister on text and she screamed back and come to find out it was all just anoher lie from the WH. So now I can't see my nieces, who i love (one is turning 9 today) and my WH gets to act like he's the good guy and didn't cause all of this.....the kids actually think I AM to blame! Then there is my family who has welcomed him with open arms but is still so crushed and bewildered by all of this.I Was sick at the time he was carrying on this affair. Our six year old doesn't know details buthe knows something is wrong

BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Topic Posts: 4

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