"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt
This was the title of an email sent to me by my husbnad the other day. It was the anniversary (27 years ago) of the first time we made love.
Last year he sent me an email on this day saying it was one of the best nights of his life (with the other ones also being about us - wedding, etc.)
My respone to him last year was, "Yes, for me, too. Too bad it wasn't enough for you."
What a bitch, right?
This year - the other day - I didn't respond at all, because I didn't read my email that day. Imagine that. Last year I was checking my email every 5 minutes all day long - to see if he had any crumbs for me. Now I don't even check it for days.
I was feeling sick and was in the bed that evening. Once when he came through the bedroom - as he was leaving - he said "Happy Anniversary". I replied, "Yeah, happy anniversary." He paused at the door - as if to wait for me to say something else - but I didn't.
I wasn't pulling an intentional 180 - I just had nothing to say.
Every day I get a deeper feeling that my marriage is over. Oh, we will probably stay together. But it is sinking in - not that HE isn't 'on board', but that I am not.
A small part of me is saying to be 'upbeat' and make the most of what we do have. That if I 180, he might look elsewhere for 'something else'. In my mind, I almost think I want him to.
I should have made him leave 7 years ago. If I had, I think he would be back and 'all in' at this time.
Maybe if he betrays me again - I will have the strength to kick him out.
I don't know what I am trying to say. The focus of this thread has changed 3 times since I started typing.
I guess I'm just thinking out loud.
Good Morning everyone. So sorry you are here!
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy