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What is your out take on cheating

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SoOver96 posted 10/6/2013 12:10 PM

Is it EA or PA such as kissing holding hands hugging I believe that is cheating I think that giving yourself to one person is special I gave myself to one person but when it is hard when I tell WS that when he says he can stand in front of OW and walk away but OW follows I'm I be irrational about this I get it everybody deserves to be happy but why do woman and men when they know that the person that they are attracted to is married or taken but they continue it? It make me furious that they can do this when there are so many out there are single and these dating sites they should discontinue these sites because it's not morally right I didn't go online to find my WS and if they allow anyone to go on there shouldn't they do a background check? So they know these men or woman are married I hate it I want my life back that I had two years ago but could he have it all been underground from 10 years ago? Im going through all these emotions my WS came home he started crying again he said to me that he had a nightmare that he did something that he would never do in real life that he committed suicide because I asked him to leave which I don't know if that was a guilt trip but he said I have one request don't ask me to leave again. I have never kicked you out ever I kept calm and quiet but in my head I was saying This is my house that's why you haven't asked me to I think deep down he knew I didn't cheat on him he had unexplained emotions seeing my exs name on the computer but I'm sorry that does not give my WS to go and sleep with the gutter fish troll 4 times as I know of I put on the calendar the night he stayed out til 1 f u very much in big letters because I don't know still what he was out doing I'm sorry for the vent Sundays and Wednesdays are bad WS just doesn't understand how I feel he told me your not going to cheat on you I'm not going to cheat on you that's our understanding Is that rug sweeping? he said yesterday when I picked him up I heard him when he heard me pull up he screamed THAT'S MY WOMAN if he starts acting like this every single day it would be great but one day it's 2 steps forward and then the next day it's 10 steps back he says he runs into people I understand the need of friends I get that but isn't family suppose to be first? isn't your word your bond ? I believe that does anyone else believe that?

SoOver96 posted 10/8/2013 15:18 PM

Do this post get taken off just curious because no one has responded

Jrazz posted 10/8/2013 15:23 PM

It's still in the forum, SoOver96.

I must admit I'm having difficulty sussing out your point to do the long sentences and block of text...

It sounds like you have a lot of feelings that you're trying to get out... but whatever happened is kinda blending together in there.

Can you do just a quick summary on your question? I'm getting a "why would someone do this" feel to your post. Is that in the ballpark.

It's crazymaking to try and make sense of WHY someone cheated. It's never ever ok. It's especially hard to understand when you yourself are a person of integrity.

(((SoOver96)))

LosferWords posted 10/8/2013 16:01 PM

To answer your first question, I do think kissing, holding hands, and hugging would be considered cheating if that person is in a committed relationship with someone else.

I agree that dating sites have caused a lot of turmoil in marriages. I've seen that happen a lot on this site. Unfortunately they are big money makers, and not held accountable by federal or state law for the damage they do to marriage and relationships.

I definitely agree that family should come before friends, and that your word should be your bond.

Sorry you are hurting. Did something trigger you recently?

Hang in there...

jackson posted 10/8/2013 16:33 PM

I think that just about any thing you wouldn't do if your S were there is cheating.

Dreamland posted 10/8/2013 19:10 PM

Yes it's cheating but believe me when I found out he was having sex it really made it bad for me. He tried for ever telling me it was just talking some holding hands.. And kissing and I was devasted with that..
But at least think of it that he didn't share the most intimate act with her..
That is what is really holding me back on R

hobbeskat posted 10/8/2013 19:48 PM

My WH didn't have sex with the OW. She was a close friend and they kissed at our housewarming when they were drunk, then met up 3 times over the next month and kissed. That didn't slay me- it was everything in between. The texts, the Whatsapp stuff, the him basically having a girlfriend while telling me he wasn't in love with me anymore. Kissing I could deal with- we have rules in our relationship about kissing, or at least we did- it was everything else, the emotional stuff and the betrayal from both of him. But if he had had sex with her it would have ended me.

whiteflower99 posted 10/8/2013 22:08 PM

IMO it is up to the couple to determine what is cheating. I may be more tolerant of some things, less of others. BUT what I think EVERYONE here can agree on is that the deception and lies are the worst part.

SoOver96 posted 10/9/2013 14:26 PM

Yes ive been triggering bad his buddy came over with his girlfriend and daughter yhe girlfriiend looks like gutter fish troll I mean the could be sisters thats how much they look alike she calls him on the phone telling him the problems shes having with the bf it pisses me off and the way she looked at him last night ugh he made a comment I love that babies come reaching for me so I commented back well you can still have babies and then he said I like brunettes I dont like blondes I was born blonde and it turnef brown when I turned six because I set my head on fire and the brunettes hes talking about is black hair not brown we watch sons of anarchy and I love that show but recently I just scream at the Tv because the main chacter cheated on his wife and she didn't do anything wrong she wasnt at his disposal

Ostrich80 posted 10/9/2013 14:33 PM

Did you just recently discover PA when you thought it was EA? I think hand holding, kissing, intimate conversations is all cheating. That's my opinion of course, someone else may not.

SoOver96 posted 10/9/2013 20:51 PM

Me too my husband on the other hand does not

Nature_Girl posted 10/9/2013 21:13 PM

I think that he's being an abusive asshole by threatening to kill himself if you kick him to the curb. He's emotionally abusing you and it should be intolerable. Just as it was his choice to break his wedding vows, it would also be his choice to off himself. It would NOT be your responsibility.

My STBX frequently would threaten suicide to keep me under control. He knew when he played that card I would quite literally beg him to live, apologize for thinking anything bad about him or being mad at him. I wouldn't hold him to decent behavior. I'd grovel and be on my knees begging him to stay alive.

That's no way to live. Decent people who love someone don't threaten suicide to keep that person compliant & quiet.

SoOver96 posted 10/11/2013 12:28 PM

No he didn't tell me that he was going to kill himself he said he dreamed that he did kill himself. He just asked me to not ask him to leave before he told me his dream

Faithsurviver posted 10/11/2013 16:51 PM

I have to agree with Jackson-
If you wouldn't do it in front of your spouse, its cheating!

SoOver96 posted 10/11/2013 20:21 PM

I totally agree

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