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Newest Member: JulyLady (61478)

User Topic: What is your out take on cheating
♀ 40169
Member # 40169
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it EA or PA such as kissing holding hands hugging I believe that is cheating I think that giving yourself to one person is special I gave myself to one person but when it is hard when I tell WS that when he says he can stand in front of OW and walk away but OW follows I'm I be irrational about this I get it everybody deserves to be happy but why do woman and men when they know that the person that they are attracted to is married or taken but they continue it? It make me furious that they can do this when there are so many out there are single and these dating sites they should discontinue these sites because it's not morally right I didn't go online to find my WS and if they allow anyone to go on there shouldn't they do a background check? So they know these men or woman are married I hate it I want my life back that I had two years ago but could he have it all been underground from 10 years ago? Im going through all these emotions my WS came home he started crying again he said to me that he had a nightmare that he did something that he would never do in real life that he committed suicide because I asked him to leave which I don't know if that was a guilt trip but he said I have one request don't ask me to leave again. I have never kicked you out ever I kept calm and quiet but in my head I was saying This is my house that's why you haven't asked me to I think deep down he knew I didn't cheat on him he had unexplained emotions seeing my exs name on the computer but I'm sorry that does not give my WS to go and sleep with the gutter fish troll 4 times as I know of I put on the calendar the night he stayed out til 1 f u very much in big letters because I don't know still what he was out doing I'm sorry for the vent Sundays and Wednesdays are bad WS just doesn't understand how I feel he told me your not going to cheat on you I'm not going to cheat on you that's our understanding Is that rug sweeping? he said yesterday when I picked him up I heard him when he heard me pull up he screamed THAT'S MY WOMAN if he starts acting like this every single day it would be great but one day it's 2 steps forward and then the next day it's 10 steps back he says he runs into people I understand the need of friends I get that but isn't family suppose to be first? isn't your word your bond ? I believe that does anyone else believe that?

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois
♀ 40169
Member # 40169
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do this post get taken off just curious because no one has responded

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's still in the forum, SoOver96.

I must admit I'm having difficulty sussing out your point to do the long sentences and block of text...

It sounds like you have a lot of feelings that you're trying to get out... but whatever happened is kinda blending together in there.

Can you do just a quick summary on your question? I'm getting a "why would someone do this" feel to your post. Is that in the ballpark.

It's crazymaking to try and make sense of WHY someone cheated. It's never ever ok. It's especially hard to understand when you yourself are a person of integrity.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To answer your first question, I do think kissing, holding hands, and hugging would be considered cheating if that person is in a committed relationship with someone else.

I agree that dating sites have caused a lot of turmoil in marriages. I've seen that happen a lot on this site. Unfortunately they are big money makers, and not held accountable by federal or state law for the damage they do to marriage and relationships.

I definitely agree that family should come before friends, and that your word should be your bond.

Sorry you are hurting. Did something trigger you recently?

Hang in there...

Posts: 30659 | Registered: Dec 2010
♂ 18819
Member # 18819
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that just about any thing you wouldn't do if your S were there is cheating.

Posts: 790 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Midwest
♀ 40488
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it's cheating but believe me when I found out he was having sex it really made it bad for me. He tried for ever telling me it was just talking some holding hands.. And kissing and I was devasted with that..
But at least think of it that he didn't share the most intimate act with her..
That is what is really holding me back on R

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 38805
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH didn't have sex with the OW. She was a close friend and they kissed at our housewarming when they were drunk, then met up 3 times over the next month and kissed. That didn't slay me- it was everything in between. The texts, the Whatsapp stuff, the him basically having a girlfriend while telling me he wasn't in love with me anymore. Kissing I could deal with- we have rules in our relationship about kissing, or at least we did- it was everything else, the emotional stuff and the betrayal from both of him. But if he had had sex with her it would have ended me.

Posts: 309 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 13937
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO it is up to the couple to determine what is cheating. I may be more tolerant of some things, less of others. BUT what I think EVERYONE here can agree on is that the deception and lies are the worst part.

What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way.

Posts: 2184 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Not Lothlorien
♀ 40169
Member # 40169
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes ive been triggering bad his buddy came over with his girlfriend and daughter yhe girlfriiend looks like gutter fish troll I mean the could be sisters thats how much they look alike she calls him on the phone telling him the problems shes having with the bf it pisses me off and the way she looked at him last night ugh he made a comment I love that babies come reaching for me so I commented back well you can still have babies and then he said I like brunettes I dont like blondes I was born blonde and it turnef brown when I turned six because I set my head on fire and the brunettes hes talking about is black hair not brown we watch sons of anarchy and I love that show but recently I just scream at the Tv because the main chacter cheated on his wife and she didn't do anything wrong she wasnt at his disposal

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you just recently discover PA when you thought it was EA? I think hand holding, kissing, intimate conversations is all cheating. That's my opinion of course, someone else may not.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 40169
Member # 40169
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too my husband on the other hand does not

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that he's being an abusive asshole by threatening to kill himself if you kick him to the curb. He's emotionally abusing you and it should be intolerable. Just as it was his choice to break his wedding vows, it would also be his choice to off himself. It would NOT be your responsibility.

My STBX frequently would threaten suicide to keep me under control. He knew when he played that card I would quite literally beg him to live, apologize for thinking anything bad about him or being mad at him. I wouldn't hold him to decent behavior. I'd grovel and be on my knees begging him to stay alive.

That's no way to live. Decent people who love someone don't threaten suicide to keep that person compliant & quiet.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 40169
Member # 40169
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No he didn't tell me that he was going to kill himself he said he dreamed that he did kill himself. He just asked me to not ask him to leave before he told me his dream

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois
♀ 30860
Member # 30860
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to agree with Jackson-
If you wouldn't do it in front of your spouse, its cheating!

BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
♀ 40169
Member # 40169
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally agree

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 15

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