"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Mack9512 posted 10/6/2013 14:51 PM

We have had complete NC for the better part of 3 months and this afternoon I got this text message from the OBS.

"I'm divorcing the slut."

I would like to believe that he sent this as a way to warn me that the b@tch might start sniffing around again, but my gut is saying that he sent it to cause problems. My hands are shaking, my stomach is in knots and I have the beginnings of a migraine. My fWH is trying so hard to bring me down but it's not working.

OnAnIsland posted 10/6/2013 15:31 PM

Eek, gads. I am sorry that you had to receive this, but I would take it as a warning. First off, take care of yourself. Try to be present in this moment with your fwh. D something that allows you to focus n yourself and lower your stress.

Then think about how you want your fwh to deal with any attempts at contact. Maybe you already have this all laid out with your fwh, but never hurts to review. If ow should break NC, your fwh has a wonderful opportunity to rebuild trust, by dealing with this as you want him to, and by dealing with it together. Rehearse, clarify expectations.

Hopefully her chaos at home will keep her busy. Take care.

Mack9512 posted 10/6/2013 15:57 PM

Thanks Island. My fWH immediately told me what he will do if the b@tch contacts him. He's more worried about me and my well-being. I guess it just feels like that whenever we have a really good stretch the A rears it's ugly head in some way or some fashion.

Josephine01 posted 10/6/2013 16:03 PM

Perhaps he sent it to let you know like you said that she may be single again. I don't know your story, but I am wondering if you are the only person that OBS feels may understand his situation? I am not taking up for him. He should have been more sensitive but that could have been his only intention.

((((((Mack9512)))))

Mack9512 posted 10/6/2013 16:15 PM

Thanks for replying Josephine. Unfortunately my background with the OBS isn't good. Even though I had already informed him of the A, I didn't realize the the MOW convinced him the the A ended in Nov '12. In reality the A didn't truly end until March 2013. He became obsessed and started harassing me at all hours and at my work. This is why I'm not getting warm and fussy feelings about his motives.

anewday78 posted 10/6/2013 16:30 PM

I can imagine how alarmed and upset you feel right now. The best way to deal with a potentially harmful situation is to approach it with a calm, cool, and collected head. That said, it's important for you to get your head in a stronger and more confident place in order for you to be able to adequately respond to any potential threats she poses moving forward. Focus on the positive growth and progress you and your husband have made since the A came to light. This is a very good sign that you now have a partnership that can withstand any advances she or her stbxh try to make on you:

He's more worried about me and my well-being.

Take this as comfort and a good sign that your husband is prepared to make what he has with YOU as his only priority.

[This message edited by anewday78 at 4:31 PM, October 6th (Sunday)]

LeopoldB posted 10/6/2013 16:51 PM

Here is a possible explanation.

He is not trying to help you; he is trying to hurt her and needs your help. He is not divorcing her. She is leaving him and he wants to ensure she will not get back with H. He is doing it for his benefit, not yours.

Josephine01 posted 10/6/2013 17:26 PM

Mack9512,

I understand now, I am so sorry this guy contacted you. Let's hope this is the last you hear of either of them.

Josephine01 posted 10/6/2013 17:28 PM

I wanted to add. I wouldn't respond unless you see a real need to. This could encourage them to continue texting you.

Mack9512 posted 10/6/2013 20:02 PM

Thanks for the encouragement ANewDay. My fWH has been great. He had one hiccup in that he got angry that the message affected me in such a raw way but he came back within minutes and apologized. I think he is scared that I was reverting back to the initial days after I discovered the A.

I agree that is a very good possibility Leo. He will get nothing from me or mine.

Josephine, I immediately blocked him again. Hopefully I won't find a message from him on my work phone in the morning.

Mack9512 posted 10/7/2013 07:38 AM

I'm happy to say that when I got to work this morning there were no messages from the OBS on my phone.