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Newest Member: Cje33 (45758)

User Topic: Even at 5 years and fully R'd triggers blow
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So during H's A he was a mean ass to me 98% of the time. Lately he is miserable at his job and has been a bit snippy and quick to attack verbally. It has been setting off triggers. Not that he is cheating but that he is being mean and disrespectful. I've called him out on it and he apologizes, I've ignored it and he usually apologizes. So not the same guy. But that mean fucker is in there.
Friday night after a super busy week someone, not saying me not saying it wasn't me, left cocoa butter on the counter and the Lab with the gut of steel ate it. Now mind you she got into the prior batch and I was going to make my lotion bars this weekend. J went out of his way got caught in ball game traffic and got more.

So we get home from the football game and the container is empty so H has a shit fit. I of course am sleep deprived (as many of you know is a horrible thing for me emotionally) have a major trigger high speed come apart.

HERE'S THE PART THAT SHOWS HOW WE ARE BETTER NOW !!!

I calmed down and went and talked to H I did his behavior sucks and makes me trigger. I try my best but working full time being mom and helping run a side business leaves me exhausted and I need support not judgement. He agreed! He apologized! He gave me tons of love and support. Said there was NO excuse for his behavior and his misery from work was the cause. I knew that but his love support kind words and apologies made things so much better.

So yah the triggers the bad ones still rear their ugly head occasionally but the response from both of us is so different. We are better. We are stronger. We are happier.

Hang in there gang it is doable and happiness will be had.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
AFrayedKnot
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry you were triggering
I am sorry your H was mean
I am glad you were able to communicate you feelings
I am glad your H could own his shit and apologize

Thank you for the honest and hopeful post!!!


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2670 | Registered: Aug 2012
AML04
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't know how happy I am to hear this. I'm in a dark place right now and this shows me there is light.

Thank you and big applause to you and your H!

It sucks that we can sometimes take out our frustrations on the ones we love the most but they are usually these who can understand and forgive when we are genuinely sorry.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can say that we went on to have a very nice weekend, and even dealing with a kid who has some Teen Issues worked well together, and helped him.

Hang in there, and remember you have to demand the respect you deserve, even once in a while after fully R'd.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great report; well done!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1818 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Topic Posts: 5

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