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how important is the "connection"

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ontheslope posted 10/6/2013 16:08 PM

I struggle a bit with feeling 'connected' to my W - that we get each other, that we're on the same page. I've said in the past that the spark is gone for me, but I think in addition part of it is that we just don't connect the way I wish we would. Just curious - how important is this for everyone? Am I putting to much emphasis on this one aspect of our relationship? We talk some (mostly about 'us'), and we don't really fight. But it just feels like something is missing.

Anyone else with me on this? Am I just being stupid?

SSmile posted 10/6/2013 16:22 PM

ontheslope,

Are you 3 yrs in? I am almost at a year and I do not feel connected with my husband. Once in awhile I feel we are a team again but its brief. I am not sure if you truly ever get that back. I can hope. He didn't choose me, us, our family and I am having a hard time getting past it.

watchtheskyy posted 10/6/2013 16:55 PM

Today is our official 2 years out, false R and and all. I feel exactly like you, but for me a connection is important... Otherwise we're just living. It sounds like you use to feel that connection, maybe you could try shaking things up and getting out of town for a night or so. Plan something you wouldn't normally do instead of the regular dinner and a movie.

watchtheskyy posted 10/6/2013 16:57 PM

I meant to add, that's when I feel the most positive about "us". We took a mini vacation about 3 weeks ago to a town about 3 hours away. WH is still talking about how much he enjoyed it and I actually did too.

ontheslope posted 10/6/2013 17:39 PM

Are you 3 yrs in?

More like 4... but - little bit of an odd situation with me. I had D-Day, freaked out for about 2 weeks, then buried everything for about 2 years. It wasn't pretty. I'm really not sure how I managed it, but somehow I was able to just push everything to the side and fake my way through my M for the next 2+ years, until a series of panic attacks and a near breakdown brought me out of my fog.

I meant to add, that's when I feel the most positive about "us". We took a mini vacation about 3 weeks ago to a town about 3 hours away. WH is still talking about how much he enjoyed it and I actually did too.

I'm the opposite. This is when I feel the most negative about it, as I would love to do these kinds of things with someone that I feel connected to, but having to force myself to do it with someone that I'm lacking that connection with just makes it stick out more and that is really painful.

My W and I can still be 'intimate', but without that connection, that 'me and you against the world' feeling, it's just not the same.

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