Say it, mean it, apologize.
In my reply to your other post I mentioned the I love you + something you admire about him. If you were like my W simple I love yous were said a lot. If they were genuine at the time or not, the ILY by itself can be a problem, making it more specific is better.
I get that you have a lot of fear, but being vulnerable and showing that to him is the only way he will see your sincerity.
BS tend to pick up on things that aren't said, even if we can't recognize it in ourselves. Be careful about that. Holding back because of this fear can be interpreted in a number of negative ways.
Keep going, the effort today pays dividends further down the road.
DS 6, DD 12
Dday 8/31/11. EA/PA. Lied to for 3 years.
Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
I thought I had stopped pretending. I was wrong.
Me- BS 41
Him- WS 38 and STBX
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2: EA w/CoW, 06-15-2017
That sums up my wife's interactions and feelings.
She tells me she loves me, quietly, tearfully, but that is not what I want. I want her to shout it at me, to scream it, to yell it out loud, to make the house ring with it, sending it out like a roaring wind, to startle the kids with the boisterousness of it all.
She betrayed me in public, in front of friends, family, our children, strangers. Did so joyfully, excitedly, energetically. Tried to humiliate me. Threw all caution to the wind over a deadbeat father who cheated on his wife whenever he got the chance.
Now, so shy about her love for me? Someone who stuck by in thick and thin, who was there for every birthday, every anniversary, every illness, every terrible trial and remained faithful despite the hellish mess i endured.
Yeah, yell it like you mean it.