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Wayward Side :
Scared to tell him I love you

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 Joanh (original poster member #39146) posted at 10:27 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013

I never know if I should or shouldn't. Will it make his day worse or better, should this expression of feeling just be kept to myself. I don't want to be overly mushly,It's just sometimes like right now for now reason at all, but that I just have this overwhelming feeling of love, it makes my heart pitter pat, and I just want him to know , but I am so scared that he will think . "Why she have to say that now my day I have to think about her cheating,.....and then it goes." I don't want to wreck his day.

And all this comes over me just from baking some cookies for him.

Just looking for others opinions WS and BS alike.

Iam getting to a point right now I am second guessing everything I do

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

posts: 482   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013
id 6513140
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 Joanh (original poster member #39146) posted at 10:31 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013

This isn't just a Good nite love you, or have a good day love you. Which we say to each other. Its a I love you, my heart is filled, and Its been probably 2 years since I have wanted to say that. I have been feeling that lately, and I just want to express it. Just not sure if it will do more damage than good

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

posts: 482   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013
id 6513143
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 Joanh (original poster member #39146) posted at 10:40 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013

Sorry folks, this is why I wish we had councelors in our area so I can talk. As I typing I am thinking so much about this and starting to realize this is how I do feel about my Husband I do love him, I just didn't understand it. Does that make sense. I have nightmares for most of our marriage about him dying and me never getting there in time to tell him how much I love him. I would wake up crying from the fear and sadness. I shut that off, it was killing me . It made it so hard when he would leave for work. I would loose a day ortwo, spent on the couch sad. I think part of me that deals with pain, shut down closed up. My fear of loosing him over road my ability to just love and what the creator had in store would happen. My ability to control my world. If I didn't love or be vulnerable to that pain it wouldn't hurt. But it back fired. It made me cold and not see and hear the love my husband was so often showing me..

God what have I done.

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

posts: 482   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013
id 6513148
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lostcovenants ( member #40637) posted at 10:46 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013

Tell him, and apologize again. I can't hear this enough from my ws. What is hurtful is that he loves me but is not in love with me, and hasn't decided if he wants to stay....

Say it, mean it, apologize.

DDs, 1977 (prostitutes), 7/8/13 (LTA MOW), 11/14 (CL), 9/1/15 (PA).
Porn, 2DUIs, blame-shifting. I told both families & adult kids. I was suicidal and cutting.
I moved out for 2 years, he asked me to come home 10/16. R w exit plan.
STD discovered

posts: 265   ·   registered: Sep. 11th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6513151
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 Joanh (original poster member #39146) posted at 11:54 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013

I did tell him, He's aaway at work but I did it anyways out of the blue text and told him his cookies were made.He loves chocolate chip cookies :-)) Not sure how he really reacted cause I am not there.

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

posts: 482   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013
id 6513227
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20WrongsVs1 ( member #39000) posted at 11:59 PM on Sunday, October 6th, 2013

There are literally no counselors in your area? Some offer services over Skype. You're going through a tumultuous time. IC has been so helpful for me.

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
Former motto: "Fake it till ya make it." Now: "You can't win if you don't play."

posts: 1523   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2013   ·   location: The First Coast
id 6513232
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 Joanh (original poster member #39146) posted at 12:22 AM on Monday, October 7th, 2013

I have been going to one in town here. He kinda not working out. spends a lot of time on my BH and not on me. And my BH does not like him partly the IC and partly wont own any issue with marriage but that's a whole different thing.

The councelors are not available easy either , so if there is something that is happening that I need to talk about it could be a long wait.

So haven't gone for 2 months

Trying a new councelor on Friday, problem is 1 1/2 hours away and $100 hour. Since my BH not thrilled on the Psycho mumbo stuff not sure he will be happy to pay for this. And we don't have insurance. Will see. I booked it anyways and I had 4 clients last week so it will cover 2 sessions at least.

I've been talking to a girl friend but she getting to a point where she wants to say enough is enough either leave or smarten up. Doesn't get the healing part of it.

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

posts: 482   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013
id 6513254
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numb&dumb ( member #28542) posted at 9:38 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013

I don't think it is ever a bad thing. He may trigger, but he probably would anyway.

In my reply to your other post I mentioned the I love you + something you admire about him. If you were like my W simple I love yous were said a lot. If they were genuine at the time or not, the ILY by itself can be a problem, making it more specific is better.

I get that you have a lot of fear, but being vulnerable and showing that to him is the only way he will see your sincerity.

BS tend to pick up on things that aren't said, even if we can't recognize it in ourselves. Be careful about that. Holding back because of this fear can be interpreted in a number of negative ways.

Keep going, the effort today pays dividends further down the road.

Dday 8/31/11. EA/PA. Lied to for 3 years.

Bring it, life. I am ready for you.

posts: 5152   ·   registered: May. 17th, 2010
id 6514366
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OnAnIsland ( member #34319) posted at 9:22 AM on Tuesday, October 8th, 2013

Tell him. And keep doing loving things and making yourself a safer partner.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

posts: 1486   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2011
id 6514914
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TheAmazingWondertwin ( member #40769) posted at 9:48 PM on Tuesday, October 8th, 2013

Tell him. Show him. I need that from my WS. All the time. I often tell him that it feels like I am standing on a high cliff about to fall over- when he say he loves me, takes my hand, cooks dinner, bakes me brownies :) these are all acts that make me feel as if he is holding onto me and not letting me fall over that cliff.

I wish you nothing but peace.

Just call me Wonder

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.

Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017

posts: 1251   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2013   ·   location: East Coast
id 6515733
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standinghere ( member #34689) posted at 10:23 AM on Thursday, October 10th, 2013

Scream it at him. Crush your fear of the words and yell it out to the sky. Is he worth loving? How will he know if you don't show him with intensity?

Scared

That sums up my wife's interactions and feelings.

She tells me she loves me, quietly, tearfully, but that is not what I want. I want her to shout it at me, to scream it, to yell it out loud, to make the house ring with it, sending it out like a roaring wind, to startle the kids with the boisterousness of it all.

Why?

She betrayed me in public, in front of friends, family, our children, strangers. Did so joyfully, excitedly, energetically. Tried to humiliate me. Threw all caution to the wind over a deadbeat father who cheated on his wife whenever he got the chance.

Now, so shy about her love for me? Someone who stuck by in thick and thin, who was there for every birthday, every anniversary, every illness, every terrible trial and remained faithful despite the hellish mess i endured.

Yeah, yell it like you mean it.

FBH - Me - Betrayal in late 30's (now much older)
FWS - Her - Affair in late 30's (now much older )
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled BUT!

posts: 1703   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012   ·   location: USA
id 6518035
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