My bet is that the work a WS does is the differentiator.
The big question is: what is your W doing to become a person who doesn't betray others?
Some WS can do the work necessary to change their behaviour and some people successfully reconcile. Sometimes a leopard can't (won't) change their spots.
But Sisoon is right, what is your WS doing to make amends? Do their actions match their words?
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
I know this is ridiculously pragmatic, perhaps to my detriment, but I remember that statistic - 50% of marriages experience infidelity - when I get down about the whole idea of it reoccurring. I'm a believer that a remorseful wayward who busts their ass to fix themselves is less likely to cheat than a random person off the street. The chances of infidelity grow even slimmer with a supportive, encouraging BS within the context of a relationship that has thrived through crisis.
So, I either D and stay single for the rest of my life...or D and get remarried with a pretty damn good change it'll happen in that M...or I stay with far reduced changes of personally experiencing infidelity again because I have a remorseful WS and a thriving M.
Of course, this is NOT the only reason or even the primary reason I stay. That would be ridiculous. But it helps soothe me when I freak about the old adage, "once a cheater, always a cheater."
Statistics don't show the environment of the affairs or the people involved. Remember YOUR situation is different from anyone else. Statistics can be interesting and a bit reassuring (I use to think that once someone cheated they will always cheat again, not so) at times your situation can't be defined by a number..
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
I'm a very logic driven man. So I tend to use stats to give me assurance or caustionary hope.
WW is up and down. There are days I couldn't love her more. Then others where I scratch my head and wonder if she even cares. Getting her to do the work is a struggle. I can't understand for the life of me that given what she has done, given that she's been given a second chance, why on earth wouldn't she do everything...ANYTHING... to make things better. Yet putting a book in her hands is an exercise akin to getting my teenagers to clean their rooms.
sigh. 20%? Welp, I'll take it. Happily.
In my mind the question would be about the causes/excuses for infidelity (unresolved FOO issues, just being an arsehole) and whether the causes had been addressed.
If you dont address the weaknesses in an individual that lead to them making those poor choices, I would say the odds would be around 100%.
I have to admit Im quite interested in statistics so I looked this up. Approx 15-20% of people who cheat become repeat offenders..
The problem with these numbers is we do not know who they polled. Are they people who stayed together after infidelity? Does it include those who divorced and went on to find new relationships?
I am guessing that number is low. It sounds more accurate for those who stayed and worked on R. I do not believe it is 20% for WSs that did not do the work.