SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

After almost 15 months I have my second mediation tomorrow! Them mediator thought we should have had it done in one session. I know who I'm dealing with I'm just glad we aren't heading for court. I guess I should reserve being glad until I see if he even shows tomorrow. I'm hopeful it will be settled and I can move on.

NPDPASTBX doesn't want to pay spousal maintenance which is going to be a huge sticking point. The mediator told me that he told him, "look buddy you're on the hook". I sure hope so because I have no idea how I'm going to be able to pay bills.

On a side note I'm not in the same room with him. I just can't do it.

[This message edited by Elaine2012 at 8:48 PM, October 6th (Sunday)]

You're 52. You were together for a very, very long time. He's paying spousal. That's all there is to it.

Mojo. Prayers. Vibes. All your way. Go get it done. Strength. We are here for you.

NatureGirl I need to update my status I'm now 53 in Sept I had been married for 35 years! I'm counting that since I'm still legally married. Looking over what I make a month working 4 jobs isn't much. I'm trying though. And I'll be taking on another one for the holiday season.

I was married 28 years... And I will be paying out the nose for 12 more.

If you have been married for a long time, the working spouse is always going to have to pay maintenance in no-fault states. It's that simple.

Mojo to you, Elaine.

Lots of mojo for getting it done and everything you're looking for. FTG!

Mojo and strength to you. I hope it works out how you want it to and that it is another step forward towards your wonderful new beginning.

A no fault state and a long term marriage can mean alimony for life. Just depends on your state's laws and what you did all those years while you were married (home caretaker, etc). In my state if you were married 18 years or more it's considered long term and the game changes. ExWW filed at 18 years and three months. So joke was on her. I guarantee if you have a decent attorney, you will come out fine regardless how much he kicks and screams. You are in the driver's seat more than you know. If he isn't reasonable then take him to court and get him to pay your extra attorney fees associated with it. One thing judges hate is an unreasonable STBX who broke up a marriage and has an attitude about paying deserved spousal support. F' him.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 5:12 AM, October 7th (Monday)]

Not being in the same room - not even seeing her was such a good thing for me! I felt victorious through the whole thing - I hope you do too!

Thanks for the support. I'm leaving in about 30 minutes! Trying to keep my nerves at bay.

SeanFLA I'm trying to remember this and not to be intimidated by him and this process.

You are in the driver's seat more than you know. If he isn't reasonable then take him to court and get him to pay your extra attorney fees associated with it.

I don't want to have to go to court but I certainly will if that is what it takes.

(((hugs))) and mojo!

I wish you the best. Strength, and patience with yourself. :-)

Four hours later I'm still in mediation. We may end up at pretrial.

Keep your chin up Elaine. Done, or pretrial, you are almost there!

((((Elaine))))

Curious to hear what happened at mediation today. Hoping it went well for you !

After 5 hours we didn't get it done. We almost had the property division figured out and then they changed it last minute.

There is a premarital claim on his part regarding some money his father supposedly gave him and which I had no knowledge of. He hasn't been able to produce documentation for. The mediator said what he had was BS. When that came off the table is when they changed the property division.

For spousal maintenance the mediator looked over my budget and said it wasn't unreasonable, then he went in with a number and his counter offer was substantially lower than the proposed amount. It was actually insulting how low the offer was! It wouldn't even cover the cost of rent.

The mediator seemed to feel like we were close. It didn't feel like we were. It seems like they just keep moving the offer all over the place. At one point his offer included maintenance but only if I agreed that 62 was a reasonable age to retire. Yeah I said no to that one. Since I'll likely have to work until I die.

We have a pretrial scheduled for the 14th and I think we are going to move ahead with that.

Now the question is do I stick to my belief that I should have a fair offer? Do I spend money that I don't really have to achieve that. Do I cave because I don't know what a judge will say and I could end up worse off than I am. I guess I don't know how that would be. I can't afford to even rent something in my current situation.

This is ridiculous considering that there isn't really anything substantial to fight about. What happened to his being amiable and getting this done. All I know is the L's all made some big bucks today and it feels like we are no closer than when we started.

ETA: for clarity.

[This message edited by Elaine2012 at 10:54 PM, October 7th (Monday)]

Bumping. I could use a little advice. Thanks.

Sounds to me, and I know this sucks, but you may need to go the distance on this one. If his lawyer was anything but smart he would have told him to settle now instead of a judge making your life's decisions for you. The 14th is not too far away and something may hash out before that. They may get cold feet and settle quickly when they see you aren't backing down. Make sure your attorney tells the judge you were willing to settle at what appeared to be fair at mediation and move on, but STBX said no. I guaranty you that you won't get screwed. You will get what is owed to you don't worry. Worse case would be 50% of all assets and a minimal monthly maintenance. Just do your homework about rents in the area, etc.

Yes lawyers do make money on our pain and much of that time can be wasted, but what are you going to do? This is your future you are talking about. I figured soup to nuts with having to buy a place, additional furniture, paying my share of lawyer fees, paying IRA withdrawals taxes and penalties this divorce cost me $200K towards my retirement. And I didn't even want it, she filed. In fact I just had to write a check this week to the IRS for $35K to cover the withdrawals I took to buy my place...ouch. But it's better than going to jail huh? You're just going to have to keep your bitch boots on and fight for was is rightfully yours.