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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: Mornings
Marathonwaseasy
♀ 40674
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 4:21 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in the UK so its 10am here
I have always been a morning person - something else that has changed post dday
I waken and feel like utter death
We are trying to R and FWH is definitely remorseful
I know I have years before I will recover
But how do I cope with the mornings
It gets better once I get busy at work and distracted
But for about 2 hours I just want to die


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
NoAnswers37
♀ 40592
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 4:23 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Marathon,

I'm UK too so on your time zone!

Mornings are so hard - are you getting enough sleep?

Are you in IC?

It does take a while for the day to "warm up", so hopefully as time goes on it will happen quicker and quicker each day for you.

All the best


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
nomistakeaboutit
♂ 36857
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it's because your subconscious is acknowledging the pain of living with an unremorseful spouse.


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 966 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Marathonwaseasy
♀ 40674
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No he is remorseful. He is doing everything he can to care for me. The fog has lifted. He's attending IC and acknowledging finally his FOO issues and his bipolar
Doesn't stop me hurting like hell though


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
metamorphisis
♀ 12041
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For about a year or so after d-day I was the same. I would open my eyes and there was about 3 seconds that life was normal. And then I remembered.

The good news is that it hasn't been that way in a very long time, and the only thing on my mind this morning was whether I should go pee first or let the dog out first.

"Time" is a very hard word to hear in the beginning but it's even harder to think it may always be this way. It won't be. You will heal, and one day you will wake up happy again. And we're here for you until that day comes



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 45266 | Registered: Sep 2006
Marathonwaseasy
♀ 40674
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for that
There is hope, I guess
It's just hidden in the shitstorm of my life right now


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
heme
♀ 40684
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im having issues with this as well and Im finding it helps to do something I enjoy right when I wake up to get myself out of the funk. Lately its been reading, the baby usually wants to nurse right away each morning anyway so I grab a book and read while I nurse her. It relaxes me and calms me enough that I can get up and go about my day.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
surviving1963
♀ 40393
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been struggling with mornings also. I use to get up at 4:30am and go to work, then get off at noon and go to a second job. Also managed a large family at home. I did 99% of all household/child responsibilities. WH kept the couch and tv warm. He did work - a cushy job. After 1st Dday I ended up quitting my job - just couldn't function. Now I get up and get the kids to school and crawl back in my bed for a couple hours. I can't believe I was ever an ambitious and productive person. I hope this is a phase that will end.....


Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 120 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
Thessalian
♀ 40633
Member # 40633
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mornings are by far the worst for me.

For about a year or so after d-day I was the same. I would open my eyes and there was about 3 seconds that life was normal. And then I remembered.

This is exactly it for me now. In the beginning, I was remembering before my eyes were even fully open. I'd wake up, lie in bed and cry. That only really stopped a week ago. Now I wake up, have a few seconds where everything's fine, and then I realize I'm still living a bit of a nightmare, it wasn't a sick dream, and I'll be living with it for the rest of my life.

I don't think "time" is a four-letter word - I just wish it would move faster. I wish I could just be 2 years out, without having to go through the intervening processing. Of course, it doesn't work that way. But I wish it did.


Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 36

7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.

First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014


Posts: 164 | Registered: Sep 2013
RidingHealingRd
♀ 33867
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember one day waking up, going about my day and 3 hours later I realized I had NOT started my day thinking about my WH A.

It took a long time to get to that place but it felt like a huge victory.

My IC told me that keeping my hands busy, would help keep my brain from thinking about the horror of it all. She stated some brain studies that were done that prove this. I do a lot of needlework, it works.

Another thing that works...time. 3+ years out and my mind just doesn't go there 24/7 anymore.

You will heal, and one day you will wake up happy again

^^^Hard to believe but this is absolutely true!

{{{Marathonwaseasy}}}


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2133 | Registered: Nov 2011
silverhopes
♀ 32753
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But how do I cope with the mornings

That's hard. There might be some mornings where all you can do is feel it. Feel the sadness and the pain, acknowledge it, give yourself permission to mourn.

Another thing is, maybe you can make a new routine or something to look forward to in the mornings. Whether it's that you love hot chocolate, so mornings become the time of day when you drink hot chocolate. Or read a favorite book (it might be hard to even think about reading right now, I know). Find something to do in the mornings that makes you feel good, something special just for you. Or maybe a routine with your kids if you have kids.

I'm sorry. It gets easier, but it might be hard for a long time. It takes a long time to heal.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3920 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
ShatteredPagan
♀ 35475
Member # 35475
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely understand your pain in the morning. It used to be my absolute worse time of day. By the time I got out of bed and smoked my 1st days cig, I was in full blown sobs in the shower. It weighed the heaviest then.

I, too, took to reading. SI in particular. It was comfortinng to know that even at 4:30 in the morning, bawling my eyes out that I was not alone in the world or my pain. It gave me strength to lift my head and take another step forward in life.


WS (him) 48
BS (me) 39
Together since 5/13/2005
Married 10/13/2012
No kids together. 3 total between us (17, 15, 13)
Affair started: 12/19/2011
Sobriety birthday: 1/11/2012
D-day: 2/17/2012
R-day: 3/1/2012
"The next time you think you a

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Leicester, North Carolina
Topic Posts: 12

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