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Newest Member: AdriftSailor (46058)

User Topic: Over and Over
Herkemeyer
♂ 36910
Member # 36910
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do I feel like this? It's close to DDay as I've ever felt. I am so mad at my WW. There are so many things to consider. I just feel overwhelmed, so hurt. Has anyone felt this so strongly at 13 months out?


BH-43
(F?)WW-39 (neznayou)
DDay-08/10/12 TT for 18 Months (I think)
Married 19 years

Posts: 144 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Colorado
daisychains
♀ 37997
Member # 37997
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes oh yes!

We're 22 months out and I still get this - overwhelmed by what he did.

It's not likened to a rollercoaster ride for nothing!

And it doesn't even have to do with what he is or isn't doing now - sometimes the better we are getting on the more overwhelmed with hurt I feel.

Has anything in particular made you feel this way today or is it "just one of those bloody days"?


LTA 3.5 years

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: uk
Herkemeyer
♂ 36910
Member # 36910
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A little TT has kick started my endless analytic mind. "Well if this, then that." This particular situation makes no sense." Things like that. I have a tendency to break things down to the lowest level. My IC says I need to look at it as one big event but all I see is death by a thousand cuts. I think I am just rambling so I'll stop now.


BH-43
(F?)WW-39 (neznayou)
DDay-08/10/12 TT for 18 Months (I think)
Married 19 years

Posts: 144 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Colorado
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Herk,

Sounds normal to me. Not sure what the TT was, but it is like a game of Chutes and Ladders and TT is the express lane back to DDay. I get endlessly analyzing everything as well - if something doesn't fit or doesn't make sense, then I have to figure out why. If I wasn't like this then my wife would of rugswept this faster than Broom Hilda. I think your IC needs to understand how you work before she can began advising you on how to heal. That might be how your IC handles trauma, but everyone handles it different. I don't think I can look at my wife's LTA as one big event because it wasn't. It was a series of continual betrayal that didn't end until I caught her. I'm 23 months out and still get very overwhelmed. The conventional wisdom is time and what you do with it. Sorry you are struggling. In addition, year 2 can be a bitch for a lot of people.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4137 | Registered: Dec 2011
ItsaClimb
♀ 37107
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, 13 months out and I feel the same way. Had a major melt-down yesterday and the anger is simmering there today.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Oct 2012
Itstoohard
♀ 37629
Member # 37629
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so horribly there too. Angry. Sad. Confused. Yuk!!


BS 64
fWH 64
PA 22 yrs ago
Started as EA for 2 yrs then ONS CORRECTION Started as an EA for 8 years
Trustismyissue

Posts: 181 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: US
betrayedbyluv
♀ 40165
Member # 40165
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here! I can barely stand my fWH to touch me most of the time. His attempts at "romance" come across as forced and awkward. Some days the anger is astounding!

We had a huge fight about 2 weeks ago, it started over him cooking dinner for all the kids while I was at therapy and snowballed into a screaming match about his A! This feels like a ride I will never get off.


Me - 42
WH - 38
Married 2/27/2005, together 13 years
DDay - 8/29/12, 1 PA at least 18 months, sexting with at least 3 women that I know about
1 child together, 2 children from my previous marriage

Posts: 30 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
HereWeGo62
♂ 34766
Member # 34766
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am almost 3 years out and there are times that I still feel this way. It normal at 13 months out, everybody heals and processes their own individual situation differently. Stay strong, it does get better if your W is onboard.


If there is reincarnation I hope OM comes back as a low water flush truck stop toilet!

Posts: 307 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Tx
sudra
♀ 30143
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My IC says I need to look at it as one big event but all I see is death by a thousand cuts.

I don't see how it's possible to look at this as one big event. It's a million lies, every day for the length of he affair. It's all the thoughts and hurts that the BS must live with, individual hurts, not just one big one.

FWIW, I'm now over three years out. It's much better but there are still lows, the sobbing, hurt, and angry lows. Just not very often, and now AS low. Still horrible.

Truly, infidelity is the worst legal thing a person can do, IMO.


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1541 | Registered: Nov 2010
Dreamland
♀ 40488
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes.. 19 months out and I feel it's more about the long term lies and manipulation. I had it out yesterday because he didn't want to tell me he had to work late. So started my asking me if I was going to run. Who was going to pick him up.. And I was ok I can run.. Would you like to run with. He suddenly gets quiet and I'm thinking .. Shit something doesn't feel right. I was already at his office. I tell him I'm here. He is asking where are you. Me - I am parked in front of your office. Then oh well actually I need to work late so better if you go run.
Mother fucker you did that shot to me during the A. I was so pissed I told him to come out. He's like what.. I said I wanted to make sure you were where you said you were. Then I went to run. He's passive aggressive and manipulative and with that constant play on words. It infuriates me and I can't stand him when he's like that.. He doesn't see it as a problem. To him he stopped cheating and that should be enough.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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