Ahh, this really does sound like a "Class of 2010/2011" issue. I also turn to sisoon for advice and "is it normal" tests when I'm not sure about where I am in the process.
At 3 years out, we're starting to feel like we should "be there" by now. We should have our answers. Stay or go? It feels like it should be clear by now.
It sounds like you had hopes/expectations for how this was going to progress, and your relationship is not where you want it to be. Is now the time to decide whether there's any hope for normalcy or happiness? I don't know. Sometimes I cling to the "5 years" marker so I can buy myself more time.
I will say that FWH still seems to be working on his issues, but there are times where I know I'm being dismissed with "okay, I get it" just so that I will shut up and stop bothering him.
In my case, I can do some more work to see where this is going. I have hope, today, that we can still figure things out.
I guess that's what it really comes down to - do you have any actual hope? Do you see flickers of progress when life-stress doesn't seem to set things back?