Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: Losing hope......
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Helpless  Posted: 8:45 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been fighting bronchitis now for almost a month. Its gotten down to a mild sore throat and a small occasional cough but I still cough up nasty gunky stuff. Now my poor 14 month old is coughing and doesn't feel well. I wanted to stay home but I'm out of sick leave so I couldn't.

On top of that... my marathon is less than 3 weeks away. I was too tired yesterday to do my scheduled 16 miler. I slept almost all day. I am "planning" on attempting the treadmill tonight for an easy 8 or 10 and then trying to fit in the 16 miler this Saturday as my last long-run. In my training I had gotten up to 18 and I know that I can run a marathon with just an 18-miler under my belt as I did that with my 1st marathon and ran 4:39. (PR). I just don't want to quit yet. I've been wanting to run the MCM for years and I've trained SO hard for this!

On top of that....I'm broke as a joke. My low beams on my stupid GMC Envoy won't work and I don't know what's wrong with it and don't have the money to fix it. I barely have money for anything. I'm basically living in the negative right now. I have medical bills going to collections and I'm just losing all hope. I sell things on Ebay to make ends meet but all that does at the end of the day is help me buy food. I'm just at a loss.

I don't know how much longer I can make it. Sometimes I wish the bus I'm riding would just run me over and put me out of my misery. I don't want to do any of this anymore.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
timeforchange
♀ 27454
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah Shelly hugs to you.

Not sure what advice to offer but just wanted you to know that Positive thoughts are coming your way.

Is requesting an increase to a decent amount of child support a possibility?

Hugs


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there, Shelly.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7866 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is requesting an increase to a decent amount of child support a possibility?

Social services allows him to get away with the bear minimum of $65 a month since he is "technically" unemployed ....although working under the table for cash and his momma supporting him living in an apartment and paying over $400 for his other 2 older children's child support....

I know this is going to sound bad and a cop out. But, sometimes I think it would be easier if something bad happened to me. I am so tired. So tired of being broke. So tired of constantly worrying about bills. So tired of being tired. My daughter has so many people that love her... I feel like I wouldn't even be all that missed. My sister and I fight all the time... its like we are an old married couple. I can never make her happy. Never. I feel like I will always be single which at this point doesn't even matter to me anymore. I used to care...but now I just think relationships are all doomed to fail anyways and I'm better off alone.

I'm just tired. Sick. Exhausted. Broke. Miserable.

Just tired.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 10:02 AM, October 7th (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to go to a doctor, you may have pneumonia. I coughed for a month before I finally went...

You need to just keep trying, cut corners somewhere. Anywhere. Make a change in your life. Look at your bills and figure out where you can cut. Go to a food bank for a few weeks. Have you looked into tutoring yet?


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4284 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly

I was there when my DS was little.

1. consider filing bankruptcy if it will alleviate your monthly burdens. Dealing with collection agencies who could get a judgement and then garnish your paycheck is not a good place to be.

2. I ended up downsiizing apartments to a larg studio. It sucked with a toddler but it alleviated so much $$$ stress that it was worth it. It saved me hundreds a month in rent plus utilities went down.

3. revisit the child support thing. You should be able to ask for a reviw once a year or so depending on your state. Supeona his financial records if you have to.

That's all I've got for practical solutions.

Lots of hugs!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8556 | Registered: Apr 2008
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've looked into the downsizing places....my rent is fairly reasonable and the only thing cheaper would be a one-bedroom and it wouldn't save me much a month. Bankruptcy wouldn't help me that much either as my biggest problem is student loan debt. And, the end result of that could cost me a my job since I'm an accountant. I don't want to take that chance. If I ever got laid off again, trying to get another job in the finance field would be near impossible with that on my record. I don't know what to do. I'm going to try to catch up the medical bills when I get my bonus in a month (IF I get one)....but I guess I just have to wait....I don't know.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you talked to a Bankruptcy Attorney yet?


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4284 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. It has to be horribly stressful with a toddler and feeling shitty for over a month.

Do you have other family or friends who may be willing to watch Piper on weekends so you can work a seasonal job? Some extra cash saved over the next few months may help out.

Also, are there any opportunities for higher paying jos in the area? It's almost like you always have to be on the lookout and that's one more stressful thing to do while working and caring for a baby. But, there may be some opportunities for a bigger salary and less stress.

What about the loan people and trying to negotiate for a much lower payment? I know you've posted about that before, but wasn't sure if they would agree to that. You can't be forced to have no way to support yourself and your child all in the name of higher education.

In the meantime, I agree with everyone to figure out where the corners can be cut and to revisit the child support issue. If he's working and you can snap a pic of him working to show the court, he won't be able to get away with paying a pittance of child each month.

Don't give up, hon. It's hard now, but you will get there. You will find a way to make a change and things will get better.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2909 | Registered: Jan 2011
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you ever ask your XH to sign the papers to lower your student loan payments? Have you told the medical bill people your situation? Many are willing to help with lower payments if you tell them. My mom wrote several letters after my uncle got into an accident and most of the people lowered their bills, worked out a lower payment, or did the work pro-bono after the fact.

Didn't you say you went to the doctor? Can you afford a trip back? I'd hate to see your daughter get sick too.

((Shelly))


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4247 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
waiting2see
♀ 13767
Member # 13767
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are a marathon runner! Life is a marathon. When you think you can't go on, you just do.

You are a runner. You are a survivor and your daughter is lucky to have you as an example.

Rest, re-group, and go on!

You've got this!

hugs.


me: BS
him: XWS

Much of your pain is self-chosen. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923

"It's not livin' that you're doin' if it feels like dyin." Ray Lamontagne


Posts: 1932 | Registered: Feb 2007
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This ^^^^

(I'm going to yell here...sorry)

But first YOU MUST REST. (end of yelling)

If you don't, you will probably just get a whole lot sicker.

Consider sidelining yourself until your lungs are completely clear and you have your energy back.

I used to get bad bronchitis and it went on for-e-ver. Nothing is more draining and cmego is probably right, it could be getting to the pneumonia phase. Ugh!

When you are better (and you will be) consider taking a weekend job until you can get back on your feet.

Also think about downsizing to a place where you can walk (or run) to work and get rid of your vehicle if at all possible.

Nothing is more draining on finances than an aging car.

Big hugs.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17796 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
hummingbird8
♀ 25086
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does it cost to run in these marathons and races you do? Can you start just running for free and forgo the races until you are better financially?

Posts: 514 | Registered: Aug 2009
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does it cost to run in these marathons and races you do? Can you start just running for free and forgo the races until you are better financially?

I only pay for races when I get taxes back or when I sold my car. It does cost money but I only do very few races a year and I pay for them well in advance because I never have spare money month to month.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
k94ever
♀ 11176
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly.....now is the time to seriously think about food stamps.

It's people who are in your situation that the program was originally started for.

Can you talk to someone about getting the student loans re-worked for a lower monthly payment?

Hang in there girl. It will get better.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6635 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly, you need to look at your priorities here. I realize it's a huge part of what makes you feel good about who you are, but if racing costs any money at all, then cut it out of your budget for now.

Any spare cash you get needs to go toward survival here.

Access any services you can get and look for a part time job. Focus on debt repayment. It's the only way out of this mess.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17796 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly.....now is the time to seriously think about food stamps.

I make too much money for food stamps or to qualify for any government assistance whatsoever. Trust me. I've checked.

I don't smoke. I don't even buy wine or beer or keep any kind of alcohol in the house because its a luxury I can't afford. I don't do any real extras. The 2 or three races I do a year doesn't make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. But, THOSE things would. My sister and I have had that argument. She tries to justify her one pack a day habit to me and complains about money. That's $150 a month or $1800 a year in cigarettes alone. That assumes that's all she smokes and we won't go into alcohol. I've cut my budget pretty close. I haven't bought myself clothes in years. (which you can tell by my appearance). I'm doing the best I can. It just doesn't always feel like enough. And, the people that watch my daughter for me now already do too much because they watch her for free and I'm very fortunate for that kind of help.

I guess I just need to suck it up to a bad patch in my life and keep going forward as best I can. I don't have a way to work a 2nd job without having to pay for child care which would defeat the purpose of the 2nd job....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could you work at home doing books or something? Babysitting? You're probably set up for that, being childproofed and all...

[This message edited by FaithFool at 12:58 PM, October 7th (Monday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17796 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could you work at home doing books or something?

If I knew how I would? Work in my area is so scarce I don't know if I could find any doing something like that but it would be a nice option! Unemployment is pretty high in my area and jobs are far and inbetween. It took me 8 months to get my current job after my last layoff!

Babysitting is a possibility, although my place is REALLY small and I know that demand is pretty high in that area. Most people that do private babysitting around here have credentials and experience and I have none.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:00 PM, October 7th (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
alphakitte
♀ 33438
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Possibly answer to Envoy low-beam problem.

Link: http://www.justanswer.com/gm/57l54-gmc-envoy-xuv-sle-head-lights-won-t-turn-on-worked.html


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Topic Posts: 39
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.