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180/NC advice

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20Hopeful16 posted 10/7/2013 10:12 AM

I have been implementing 180 and doing NC to the best of my ability (keeping it to kids and finances, but being cordial when we have to see each other with the kids present).

This morning I got a text and an email that I'm not sure how to respond to. The text is asking if I want him to pick up DD and DS#1 after school. If he had phrased it "I would like to..." I would be fine, but he phrased it "would it be helpful if I..." On the one hand, I don't want to keep him from seeing the kids, or give him the impression that I am doing that. On the other hand, I don't want him to feel like he's helping me out. Picking them up is part of my daily schedule, and its not a big deal for me to do it. Should I let him do it, and if so, how should I phrase the reply?

The email was just saying that he is putting in a vitamin order and has a discount and do I need to add anything to the order. Again, I feel like this is him trying to be the nice guy so he feels less guilty, and I don't want to give him that. But I could use the vitamins, and between the two households and the shutdown, money is tight.

Am I over thinking all of this?

Softcentre posted 10/7/2013 10:26 AM

I'd reply to the text saying:

I've no problems picking up the children as normal, but I'm fine with you doing it if you'd like more time with them.

As for the vitamins, I know you might like them, but he's trying to get you to break the 180. You could reply agreeing that it would be helpful for him to get some for the children, but not mentioning any for you.

WhatsRight posted 10/7/2013 10:30 AM

EXCELLENT suggestion for the reply.

I don't know your husband, but I don't think you are overanalyzing it.

I admire you for - in the terrible situation you find yourself - you are wanting to continue your 180, and yet not be vengeful regarding the kids in the meantime.

So sorry for this situation.

Big HUGS to you!

20Hopeful16 posted 10/7/2013 10:42 AM

Thank you so much! I will send that text and I will let him know I don't need him to order me anything.

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