Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: FaithGrace

General :
180/NC advice

This Topic is Archived
question

 20Hopeful16 (original poster member #40487) posted at 4:12 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013

I have been implementing 180 and doing NC to the best of my ability (keeping it to kids and finances, but being cordial when we have to see each other with the kids present).

This morning I got a text and an email that I'm not sure how to respond to. The text is asking if I want him to pick up DD and DS#1 after school. If he had phrased it "I would like to..." I would be fine, but he phrased it "would it be helpful if I..." On the one hand, I don't want to keep him from seeing the kids, or give him the impression that I am doing that. On the other hand, I don't want him to feel like he's helping me out. Picking them up is part of my daily schedule, and its not a big deal for me to do it. Should I let him do it, and if so, how should I phrase the reply?

The email was just saying that he is putting in a vitamin order and has a discount and do I need to add anything to the order. Again, I feel like this is him trying to be the nice guy so he feels less guilty, and I don't want to give him that. But I could use the vitamins, and between the two households and the shutdown, money is tight.

Am I over thinking all of this?

Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

posts: 107   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2013
id 6513879
default

Softcentre ( member #39166) posted at 4:26 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013

I'd reply to the text saying:

I've no problems picking up the children as normal, but I'm fine with you doing it if you'd like more time with them.

As for the vitamins, I know you might like them, but he's trying to get you to break the 180. You could reply agreeing that it would be helpful for him to get some for the children, but not mentioning any for you.

Me: BW
Him: XWH
2 Children

Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning

posts: 1629   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: UK
id 6513901
default

WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 4:30 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013

EXCELLENT suggestion for the reply.

I don't know your husband, but I don't think you are overanalyzing it.

I admire you for - in the terrible situation you find yourself - you are wanting to continue your 180, and yet not be vengeful regarding the kids in the meantime.

So sorry for this situation.

Big HUGS to you!

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8268   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 6513908
default

 20Hopeful16 (original poster member #40487) posted at 4:42 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2013

Thank you so much! I will send that text and I will let him know I don't need him to order me anything.

Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

posts: 107   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2013
id 6513927
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy