It is often said that marriages are built on trust and communication.
Obviously since the A, trust is gone and needs rebuilt.
Then there is communication.
Here is the scenario.
Saturday: we were to pick up son1 from friends house at 10am and take all the kids to a fun event from 11-12. Well, H got to talking with son1's friends parents and talked for 45 mins. By this time we don't have enough time to go to the event. I say something like, "well you talked a lot so we can't go now".
saturday night, plan was to pick up daughter from friend's --come home to spend time together, watch tv etc-- H was to pick up daughter1 from friend's house at 10pm...he got to talking to friend's parents and talked for 2 hours ...didn't get home until 1am. By this time, I was asleep. Forget movie night.
Sunday--I really really really wanted to go to this event (just me and a girlfriend of mine had planned to go to) from 1-2pm. I told him a month in advance about this event. Reminded him multiple times on weekend too...Well same thing, he started talking to friends at church for an hour....
By the time he got in the car, all i said is "Hurry up! I won't have enough time to make it to the event"
Well--he got mad and said "What is my problem? All I do is criticize him"...
"hurry up" is criticism?
Well, I missed the event! I didn't have enough time to get there.
I didn't say anything all day to H since all I said is "hurry up" and he can't accept that?
whatever. It has become increasingly evident we have communication issues as well as trust issues. Not that I didn't think so before--its just more evident to me. H doesn't like to "hear" me when I say we have to be at a certain place and time. Then the things he does hear is negative when i am not trying to be negative just stating the obvious.
you know the thing i keep reading in posts is that a lot of people thought their marriage was fine and then bam there was an A. Honestly, wasn't there any other problems? Not accusing--just asking. Was the A an aspect of other problems?