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Newest Member: drummerwife (46039)

User Topic: Oh those bylaws...
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Funny  Posted: 11:55 AM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is apparently an actual exchange of correspondence regarding a serious municipal issue:


Dear Mr. (name):

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2013.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
(name)
District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response:

Dear Mr. (Name):

I have received your certified letter dated 11/17/12. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at (address), Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skilful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the dammed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2013? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

Thank You.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17796 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Lola2kids
♀ 32789
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is hillarious.

Beavers and dams and bears, oh my!!!


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol. that's great!


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4247 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
TrulyReconciled
♂ 3031
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dam straight!!


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21572 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
gahurts
♂ 33699
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DAM! That's great.

I wonder if the state DEQ ever responded.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3525 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
HUFI-PUFI
♂ 25460
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage




Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3289 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
somanyyears
♂ 26970
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, October 7th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

..i guess you gotta keep those dam municipal employees busy as beavers to earn their paycheques eh!

..it's gotta leave you scratching your head wondering..hmmmmm... your tax dollars at work!!!

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 3:18 PM, October 7th (Monday)]


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
lynnm1947
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No politics, FF, no politics. Hilarious!


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7518 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, October 8th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dam that's funny.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love it. I have a beaver dam on the property that adjoins me. They are fine dam builders.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7866 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
JanetS
♀ 2766
Member # 2766
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I smiled/snickered while reading this, till I got to the Bear part...then I started belly laughing with tears coming out of my eyes.

Oh that felt good!


Posts: 2653 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
Topic Posts: 11

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