What should I do.
This is a great post for folks new to this to read, called the Tactical Primer by SerJr:
It covers pretty much all of the basics and can help steer you in choosing the direction you feel suits you best.
As for whether or not you should hold out hope.. I say hope for the best but prepare for the worst. He has shown you through his actions what he is capable of doing, and that he abandoned you and your children is a very significant statement. It hurts but either way you go, that's a truth that needs careful scrutiny.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself - eating right, drinking enough water, sleeping enough. Exercise helps. Like I said, take a look over in the JFO forum as well.
Good luck. Sorry you are hurting.
I'll be honest: the only reason I am hanging in there is because my WS is so remorseful and committed to us. If he was just going through the motions, or actively seeking a divorce, I'd be the first to sign. You don't deserve a spouse that won't choose you after making what he should recognize as the biggest fuck up in his life. :(
I'm really sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but I am glad that you found us.
I agree with StillGoing to prepare for the worst case scenario. Do you have an attorney that can help explain your rights and how best to protect your kids?
In addition to the tactical primer, "The Healing Library" in the upper left part of the screen has many great resources.
Again, so sorry for what you are going through. More folks will be along for support.
dont contact the ow. she has already shown you that she has no regard for you, or your children. you will be talking on deaf ears. and you dont want him back that way anyway.
this is so hard. i know it is. my h was in a deep fog as well. and was with the ow during our separation. after all your reading, the one thing that you will find is that the best thing you can do for you and your children is to take care of YOU. you have no control of what decisions he decides to make. you can only control what YOU do.
i learned that from SI. once i started thinking about myself, my child, and what was best for our healing, i was able to 180 my h...set some hard boundaries, and really get my mind around making some tough decisions. again, what was best for ME and my child.
hugs to you.
[This message edited by DecimatedHeart at 6:28 PM, October 7th (Monday)]
DDay#4 4/5/2013 (NC broken AGAIN)
DDay#5 10/8/14 - caught him reading an "old" email from OW.
D seems like the only option.
The reason I posted on the Reconciliation boards was because I had hoped to hear from former and/or recovering WS. I want to know that someone in such a deep fog who has seemingly given up on the marriage could realize what a mistake they are making. Would it be worth my time to write to my WH to let him know I still want to work on the marriage, etc?