Kroma, I am a BW so I'm on the other side but I'm also divorcing my husband so maybe I can help you a little.
My husband is genuinely sorry as well. But there are all sorts of reasons why reconciliation has not worked, despite me being 100% committed.
One of them is that I busted him. That is a huge deal for me. He did not give her up. He gave her up when found out. I'm not sure if that is relevant to you. It is very significant for me. I believe it would still be going on if I had not found out.
I worshipped my husband. I thought he was a good guy with integrity. The affair and the lies - during and after the affair - killed that. It's dead. I've tried to revive it but it's gone.
My husband is not the man I thought he was.
I'm afraid, gently, that you don't get a pass by being good now. The affair has consequences. Some people have more serious consequences than others.
I suggest you don't talk to your wife about your pain but find others to share that with. She is hurting not "some" but a lot. It sounds like she needs some space. My husband is hounding me, trying to persuade me not to go ahead with the divorce, and honestly it is making things worse.
Focus on yourself. Get out and about and get healthy mentally and emotionally for you. Not for her, not for some future partner which is the LAST thing you need for a very long time, but for you.