For me- I triggered a lot in the early days but struggled to fight past those so would just stop. ( I have to admit we didn't have sex for over a year post Dday as I just couldn't).
Don't compare yourself to the OW as you're more than a pair of boobs. Please keep posting. This hurt will pass.
"And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Sarah McMane
My WH has always been an ass and boob guy. I have large sized of both, he was always so into everything about me. Still seems to be even during and after the A. I lost close to 30lbs since I found out August 9. So naturally everything is smaller. He told me that OW had everything the same size as me except maybe a smaller butt. He assured me that he hated it bc he likes me to have a big butt.
So one night a few weeks ago were fooling around, Im on top, he grabs my butt. Then he says, "yeah I like it a little smaller, I can grab it all now"....i hit the breaks, stopped what I was doing and just said "really?" and got off of him.
He didnt understand why I was so upset until I told him, then he was like "Omg! Thats NOT what I meant, it was just that we has just started talking about it then started fooling around" Still hurt though.
Im so sorry Avagabor
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
This may sound goofy, but consider picking a code word- any thing- apple or dinosaur or whatever- to signal that you are triggering during sex. I have heard from some couples who use a word to halt or redirect intimacy. Just a thought.
We usually have lights on. also WH senses when I am triggering and will focus on me and check if I am ok. It gets better with time, but sometimes still comes back at me.
This stuff is tough. Hang in there. And enjoy your new figure. Might as well be some benefits to all this...
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
Personally, for me it is important for my FWF to know when and how I am being affected. Then it truly is up to him to be patient and loving while I work through it.
Avagabor, I think that even though the moment has passed you should share your feelings with your WH.
I am sorry you had a tough night.
You need to sit down and talk this out. Do NOT just let this go, and think you will "get over it" . Part of all our issues is communication. You need to talk with him when you are not in an intimate setting, letting him know what happened, and how you handled it, then together you need an agreed plan of how to deal with triggers during. Plus you need to speak up, and let him know what feels good, during, and encourage the things that are good that don't make you trigger while being intimate. As you both heal, the triggers will be less. But just gritting your teeth to get through will only hurt you, as you have seen already. No one gets a gold star for suffering through a trigger alone.