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From BO to OW??

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imaf posted 10/7/2013 15:43 PM

God I am so confused.....

It happens that I met this guy through volunteering a few months ago. I thought he was nice, and we get along together very well. But didn't give it much thought as I know he has a girlfriend.

Lately though, he has started to be a bit flirty. My opinion of him was started to fall. I don't like someone flirting with me when they have a girlfriend. Until the other day he told me his story.....
He had just come out of a long term relationship, when he got together with his now girlfriend, nothing serious as he had just come out of a long term relationship. But 3 months later this girl fell pregnant. During the pregnancy he met me, and has really fallen for me (so he says). But he is going to give it a chance for the child. He says he doesn't see things working as they are not getting along very well. He isn't sure wether she fell pregnant to keep him by her side. But he wanted to be honest with me and tell me he had started having feelings for me.

He said he wanted to get to know me better and be good friends. I wouldn't have and affair, although I now feel like a kind of OW. I swore to myself I would never do that to anyone after suffering so much pain, and I love myself too much to be an OW. Its either a man to myself or nothing. I don't think he was expecting an affair either.I told him that keeping a friendship was tempting the devil.

So all this left me really confused. I don't know if he is lying and a typical wayward. Or if she has done the dirty on him.

Anyhow all I know is that I have to keep my distance. But all I want is for him to come closer....


SerJR posted 10/7/2013 15:47 PM

he has a girlfriend

Case closed.

confused615 posted 10/7/2013 15:50 PM

Gently, it's not any of your business how she got pregnant. This man is in a relationship with a woman who is about to have his child. He is having an EA with you..and you with him,it seems. He has talked with you about things inn his relationship that are none of your business. He told you a sob story..and you are falling for it. Stop. This man IS a wayward. Go NC..NOW.

She didn't get pregnant all by herself. he is just as much responsible for birth control as she is.

This man is not a nice all.

Walk away.

[This message edited by confused615 at 3:51 PM, October 7th (Monday)]

nowiknow23 posted 10/7/2013 15:50 PM

imaf - I think your initial reaction (with your opinion of him falling) is spot on.

he is going to give it a chance for the child.
GAME OVER. If he is giving the relationship with her a chance, he is NOT free to start a relationship with you OR to flirt with you. He's already looking for at least an EA here. Your actions at this point determine whether you are in one or not.

So, who do you want to be?

imaf posted 10/7/2013 15:54 PM

Thank youuuuu! I just needed a reality check. I knew I had to keep my distance, but I had kind of fallen for his sloppy story too!!!!


[This message edited by imaf at 3:56 PM, October 7th (Monday)]

confused615 posted 10/7/2013 15:57 PM

Good for you,imaf!

If you have proof,like texts or emails, you would be doing his BGF a favor by showing them to her.

imaf posted 10/7/2013 16:17 PM

I just wanted to say thank you SIers! You have offered me so much wisdom throughout the affair and afterwards.

Still can't believe how quickly I fell for the waywards trap!

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 10/7/2013 16:29 PM

I agree with the others. This guy is already in a relationship and he'll bring that poor girl a world of pain, as he has already shown he's capable. He'd do the same to you. It's best to stay away.

imaf posted 10/7/2013 16:29 PM

No proof confused615 it didn't go that far.

imaf posted 11/14/2013 17:22 PM

Just an update....

After your wise advise I realized this guy was not for me. I canīt really keep NC because we share friends and hobbies in common. So the other day we were left alone and we were just chatting casually when he tried to hold my hand! My immediate reaction was to tell him straight out to keep his hand to himself!

It didn't take him 2 mins to make an excuse and get up and leave!!

OOOh what a disappointment I thought he truly cared for me and would fight for me

It looks like he wanted some cake eating, and didn't no how to handle a NO

BeyondBreaking posted 11/14/2013 19:19 PM

I know he has a girlfriend

And you are done.

Distance yourself. Now.

If he really "has feelings" for you and it is meant to be, he will break up with the girlfriend and see you exclusively. Wait for him to do that, and wait until you have evidence that he actually does.

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