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Nature_Girl posted 10/7/2013 18:40 PM

Getting very close to The Divorce From Hell being final. Just got an email from my attorney, we may be done in about a month. When I saw that just now I seriously almost lost bowel control. Wasn't expecting that reaction. Now I'm feeling like I'm going to vomit.

Why am I having such a visceral reaction like this? Why not jumping for joy?

HurtsButImOK posted 10/7/2013 18:54 PM


Because even though we desperately want it over and done with, it still hurts that it is (almost) final and absolute.

One more death and stab of pain on this shitty journey.

Nature_Girl posted 10/7/2013 19:01 PM

...on this shitty journey

Quite literally.

pregnantandsad posted 10/7/2013 19:04 PM

I am so sorry. As much as I don't want wh back, every time I think of the divorce being final I feel sick to my stomach.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 10/7/2013 19:04 PM


gypsybird87 posted 10/7/2013 19:12 PM

I had a hard time also. Even though I was the one who did the paperwork and sent it in, (also a vomit-worthy moment), I had a very physical reaction when the innocent looking envelope came from the court saying it was done.

I think it's because even though it was the only possible outcome, it was hard because it was not an outcome I chose for myself. It was something chosen for me by someone I deeply loved and trusted, who I thought had my best interest at heart and of course turned out to be the exact opposite.

This was not my first marriage, my first wayward spouse, or my first divorce. Before I met XWH, I said I'd never get married again. After I married him, I said I'd never get divorced again. And I believed that with all my heart.

Now I truly mean it when I say I will never, EVER get married again.

So sorry you're hurting, NG.

HurtsButImOK posted 10/7/2013 19:14 PM

...on this shitty journey

Quite literally.

TMI alert!

Must Survive posted 10/7/2013 19:15 PM

What GypsyBird said. Exactly!

dmari posted 10/7/2013 19:18 PM


SBB posted 10/7/2013 19:38 PM


Nerves, anxiety and stress do very strange things to us - I've noticed I often get the physical symptoms after the storm has passed.

I guess adrenalin and survival mode gets us through the rough stuff then our body is free to react once the crisis passes.

One more month my friend. Just one more month.

kernel posted 10/7/2013 20:31 PM

((Nature_Girl)) A lot of us have that visceral reaction, with physical symptoms to go with it. For me, it was the awful finality of the death of my marriage and so many dreams. It just sucks. I thought I was going to throw up in court but my lawyer got me in touch with the anger that had taken me through the divorce process, and that helped me get through the court appearance. The only other time I have ever felt that sick and shaky was after anesthesia. It is hard.

[This message edited by kernel at 8:33 PM, October 7th (Monday)]

ruinedandbroken posted 10/7/2013 21:00 PM


When I went to the courthouse (by myself) to put the final nail in the coffin, and they asked me if the marriage was irevocably broken, I broke down into sobs so hard I couldn't breathe.

pointmagnet posted 10/7/2013 22:01 PM

Wow when I was asked if the marriage was irretrievably broken I said YES YES YES!

Funny how things happen but I am glad to be rid of the WW even if I have to still pay for many many more years.

[This message edited by pointmagnet at 10:03 PM, October 7th (Monday)]

sleepless34 posted 10/7/2013 22:07 PM

Think of it like....

Sometimes you have to poop it all out to feel better. Sometimes you have to vomit it all up to feel better. I think it is totally normal to feel sick, it is a sick and discusting event in your life you didn't ask for and you dealt with it and it is almost over.

Once you poop and vomit- you are gonna feel a whole lot better!! Congrats to you!

beachbunny posted 10/7/2013 22:35 PM

I remember you, NG...


I'm sure it will be jarring for me as well, when all is said & done...

NewMom0220 posted 10/7/2013 23:52 PM

I think this is totally normal. Our bodies respond to things. Divorce is a monumental thing. It's stressful. Your brain knows better, but you were together 20 years. You are human, with feelings, and not a robot. Sometimes your feelings come in all different ways.

(((Nature_Girl))) I can't wait for your post when you are jumping for joy. You are getting close to the light at the end of the tunnel. Yipee.

PurpleRose posted 10/7/2013 23:55 PM

I get it.. I was so nervous sitting in that court room to finalize our D. But when the judge asked if there were no way to reconcile this M and I said absolutely not, the relief was amazing.

It was over.


Finally free from the crazy person he has become!

It's the "getting there" part that affects us so strangely! I was so nervous and felt ill leading up to the mediation.. but when it came down to it I just powered through like I always do. You will too NG. It's ok to have unsettling emotions about this crap. Just know you will come out so much better on the other side!

courageous posted 10/8/2013 01:08 AM

(NG). I was like that too. Once the final day comes you will feel some relief. Could you also be afraid that something would happen that would cause the divorce not to be finalized so soon?

nowiknow23 posted 10/8/2013 06:59 AM


tushnurse posted 10/8/2013 09:16 AM


Consider this a self purge of the last of yuck, and filth of this human from your heart.

It is not unusual at all to have a strong gut reaction to such things. It's all part of the fight or flight thing. You are dumping the last of vile waste so that you can now fly and become the soaring Eagle you were always meant to be.

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