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My story and need an advise

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dheezire posted 10/7/2013 20:49 PM

Im married woman for 6yrs with 2 kids (5 and 3). Im 31, BH is 34.
Had an affair for 7 months. Caught twice with the same man.

Affair is married for 6 yrs. Fed up with his self centered and nagger wife.

Met him in a online game. We exchange problems with W and H. Started as friends and end up as lovers.

I can say that my husband is good provider, good father and head of the family but as a husband, i think its normal with W to look or expect to ur husband to be sweet or intimate. not like when wer engage, he is so expressive in his feelings. Giving much time and made me feel how important i am.

After a years of marriage, he changed. Most of his time focused on our future that cause him to be more concentrated with his career.

I honestly dont look or search to someone but when i met my A, he made me feel the thing that missing from me and my H.

I get to much indulge with him until we decided to meet and have the relationship to keep.

After few months, he decided to leave as he said i was affects me alot and my H thought that the reason y i cried everyday is because of him. This pushed me to tell him that i have an affair.

My H gave me a chance to get over with my A. The things i require, he change but few weeks later he goes back from his own world.

Few months later, my A comes back, promising me that he will never leave me whatever it takes as he doesnt want to fool himself and wanted to face the reality that he really loves me. He just cant let go of his wife as he doesnt want to be the reason why their marriage never lasts. He said that he was just waiting for the right time to find reasons to blame his wife and he will then drop the news that he wanted to get separated. He said that it wouldnt take time as he was always ending up with a big fight and his wife used to asked for separation.

On 21sep13, i was caught by H through A sms. H took my phone and found H smd. He even read my emails where I and A conversation were still there. He found out that A and I make love which i thought the main reason to pushed my H to file an annulment.

A still there but never asked me to wait for him. He keeps on telling me that whatever moves i take or decision, always take in consideration my family. My A wanted my family back if someone will asked him to step back, he'll do it but people cannot asked him to leave me.

I even asked him for the sake of everyone's silence, we need to end up our relationship.

He just replied me, i can ask anything i want but not leaving me.

Currently, he's still existing... Trying to motivate me to go back to my H.

My problem is, H doesnt want me mentioned, he is filing an annulment so that i can live freely.

--- 2nd Story ----
About AP's wife, as how i knew her from our friends stories,,, she never become submissive to AP. AP is the one who's cleaning the house, washing the dishes, cook their food... Once, when he was asked to leave their house by his wife,, friends of ours saw his wife with a guy. That time, AP and I were friends. While listening to our friend's story, the guy who's with his wife is wife's ex-bf where became an issue to the both of them. Wife used to spend time talking with this guy than AP, and everytime he's asking about the guy, wife used to tell him that its not AP's business. AP even read a message from the guy wanting his wife to meet. Both of them were having an affair... Its just that both of them were waiting to be caught.

We dont live in US. We got married in Philippines and annulment in our country will take years and cost alot of money if he really wanted to do it.

Currently, though AP is still around, he is least to my priority.

I know that he is still existing but im trying to avoid him.

AP knew that if i managed to fixed my marriage, he will be totally out of the picture but AP still insisting that whatever i say he will still stay. Everytime that ill be needing him, he will always be there.

Now, that i knew my H plan,,, i do not know what to do and where to start. I tried talking to him but he's avoiding me. He said that we do not have anything to talk. He is not even open for marriage counseling as he said it is too late as he gave me lots of chance to change but he guess that i will never be change as it is already my habit.

--- 3rd story ---
AP was really sicked, and he is under medication for 1 month and will see the doctor again after a month...

AP's wife never been with him when he was in ICU. She just came to bring his clothes and left. AP confined in the hospital for 2 days and wife seen once when she dropped his clothes. Never go with his follow up check ups.

I know coz he showed me every medical results he had after his check ups or ff check ups.

I know you might thinking that im telling you this because i love him or protecting him,,, No... I was just telling you whats happening and its not a lie.

AP never been with the other girls during our cool offs... Before we ended as lovers, we become friends. I know how AP moves. Like me, before 6years of marriage, we are both faithful with our spouses. First time to betrayed spouses .

I am willing to give up AP for the sake of my family.

--- note ---
It is a copied and paste from pm conversation. Apologies if the story was divided into 3.

dheezire posted 10/7/2013 22:06 PM

--- additional info ---
Before the annulment planning, my H asked me to give him space by moving out from our house. Currently, im renting a bedspace, sleeps there after putting my kids to sleeps.

Both kids are aware of our story or should i say, set up. They knew that once they fell asleep, i used to go home in my place and return to their home by early morning to take good care of them.

It was like that im still living in his house difference is i dont sleep here.

[This message edited by dheezire at 10:07 PM, October 7th (Monday)]

SandAway posted 10/8/2013 06:32 AM

First of all, the AP will say ANYTHING to keep you on his wing. He will tell you things that you want to hear so he can keep you there. He will never leave his wife for you.

The 'stories' you heard about the AP's W is also total crap. As you said, you have never met her. People believe what they want to hear. This is VERY common.

You still hold your AP higher then your BH. You are continuously making your BH out as the bad guy while holding a candle to your AP. And as long as your doing that, you can not begin to mend your M.

What have you done this time to prove to your BH that you are safe? He caught you in your A last month and you took it underground. You never quit contacting your AP so of course he no longer trusts you. The first thing you need to do is go NC - TRUE NC. And you also need to contact his BW. She deserves to know what kind of man she is married too.

Currently, though AP is still around, he is least to my priority.

Your still in contact with the AP? You said that he is encouraging you to work on your M. Why are you still in contact with him??

dheezire posted 10/8/2013 12:52 PM

Sandaway: the last time ive talked to ap regarding of my current situation, he told me to fix my marriage for the sake of my kids. He will step back until i fix my M.

I am not in contact with him. I based that phrase from the last thing he said (he always be there no matter what i said or happened). I just assumed that he is actually around. And i dont care if he really is around that is why i said its least to my priority.

Darkness Falls posted 10/8/2013 13:13 PM

He will step back until i fix my M.

Then he'll need to step back permanently, because with him still in the picture your M will not get fixed.

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