SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

soconfusednow posted 10/8/2013 07:38 AM

My H & I are taking a marriage class at church. People at church do not know about his A and I/we prefer it that way.

Last week we didn't know sex & infidelity would be the topic of the lesson until after we got there.

As soon as I heard that I thought "OK I'm going to get through this."

About half way through the class I knew I was going to lose it. So I excused myself to the bathroom, took a second to cry, got myself back together, and went back to finish the class.

On the way home my H said "I wasn't sure if you needed to use the restroom or get away."

I'm calling that a win/win.

If my H wasn't sure I needed to escape, hopefully no one else caught it.

My H was sensitive to feelings.

It opened the door for discussion not just about me, but about him also.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 10/8/2013 08:27 AM

Just wanted to say Good Job to you- that must have been so very hard- but you did it!
And good job to H for reaching out like he did.

UndecidedinMA posted 10/8/2013 08:41 AM

Great work. I know it is extra hard in public.

Glad to hear your H picked up on what was going on.

Crazyman642 posted 10/8/2013 09:01 AM

I wish i was at that point. I am a grown man and have to fight back tears at every Sunday service we attend. Something tiggers an emotion. Question if I might. Our church of which we are new members since DDay is going to have a marriage seminar which we both want to attend. Should I reach out before and discuss our recent situation? Should we go in blind, as this is a discussion in most marriage seminars I am worried i will snap.........

soconfusednow posted 10/9/2013 14:37 PM

Should I reach out before and discuss our recent situation?

Anything that gets a couple talking & understanding the needs of each other is good. Finding a way to have those needs met is a step forward.

Is an outline of the seminar available? If you know what's coming when you can mentally prepare for it, to the best of your ability at this time, better than being blindsided with it when it comes up.

PrincessPeach06 posted 10/9/2013 16:14 PM

I am in awe - I avoid Sunday morning church altogether because lots of people know and the smallest thing triggers me. :(. Great job!

Crazyman642 posted 10/10/2013 09:52 AM

Seminar is not until Novemeber 23, so i don't know if there is an outline. i did reach out to the crisis pastor from the church. I sent an email. The affair is what finally pushed us to start attending church, so no one from the church knows. Other than my boss, (which had to be told) a fellow FreeMason I turned to for support after he asked what was wrong with me, and a couple friends that have been through the same thing (support) i haven't told anyone. Other than the thousands of people here Church is still difficult, since my children don't know I try not to let them see the tears when I sit and listen to the service. Seems to get a little hard each Sunday. Senerity Prayer, Senerity Prayer.... Might do use all a little good...

OnAnIsland posted 10/10/2013 10:05 AM

You did. Great job. That is super brave. And good for you WH being there for you and doing the work.

Crazyman642 posted 10/15/2013 08:34 AM

Weekend is complete. It wasn't so much a marraige weekend, as a self reflection and how it affects your adult relationships weekend. There was some insightful stuff, and some ways to communicate better. It is a place to start that wasn't as threatening or difficult as comfronting the affair head on. We the WW and I have talked and will continue to seek out weekends and retreats to help provide us tools to work on our marriage. In the end, they are only tools it is up to her mainly, but us as a whole to work on R.

If anyone has request about IMAGO I'd be happy to answer what I can.