My H's first IC appointment was today. I don't know if I'm supposed to ask about it or not. I told him about my IC appointments and what was discussed, although I don't think he cared much. Are we supposed to talk about his? Or is it just for him? What do you do?
IC is for the individual and dealing with their thoughts and feelings. If you two come to an agreement about discussing your sessions I don't see anything wrong with that. However, there must be an agreement, you (general term) can't expect him to share things when the sole purpose is for him to have a safety zone of his own.
Talk to him and see what you two can come up with
[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:12 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)]
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Anyway...we both ask eachother how it went after our appointments and we share what we want to share with eachohter.
On the other hand, I did want him to feel comfortable and safe talking to his counselor, as it was a big step for him to go and it was hard for him to open up.
I am sure you will get a range of responses, but maybe it would be good to have a conversation about what his goals are for IC, and don't push at first for the details of the meeting. My WS didn't have any goals (yeah, part of the bigger problem) and an inexperienced counselor, so not a lot happened with the first one other than his getting comfortable with talking to someone and thinking about his feelings (which actually was a big step, I guess, just frustrating for me). We had a conversation that he could not be completely passive in IC, and should tell the counselor something he wanted to work on, and we discussed what that would be. WH didn't want to talk too much about IC at first, it was very painful for him to face himself and his fears, but now that he is more comfortable with it, he uses me as a kind of reality check - after all, I know him better than anyone - the good and the bad.
Me thinks it might be as I'm walking out the door with a big Goodbye bird aimed at him.
Before his 3rd IC visit, he told me they were talking about how to get me over this(his cheating). Basically, he had an Ic that was a rugsweeper,your BS needs no details,etc,kind of IC.
So..he stopped going. He was doing a great job of rugsweeping all by himself,he certainly didn't need any encouragement.
[This message edited by confused615 at 11:08 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
As a result, one of my requirements for R was a signed release that allowed my W's IC to share info with me. Her IC was also our MC, and the release also allowed anything from an IC session to be brought up in MC sessions. Any Q I wanted to ask, I asked in MC sessions. At first, I asked fairly frequently.
W & I also went over an outline of each session when she cam home.
After a while, when it became clear my W was truly committed to R, I just ask her if there's anything I need to know about a session and accept her answer.
[This message edited by sisoon at 2:04 PM, October 8th (Tuesday)]