God help me....I relate to where you are at.
I have RAGED at my wife like I never thought I could rage at anyone...I never even raged like this when I was 17, full of testosterone, and physically fighting hard with guys in high school. I have literally made our bedroom windows shake. I have gotten so close to my wifes face while yelling.....ugh. So not pretty.
Truthfully it took me 3 months of weekly IC sessions just to get in touch with my anger...that is how repressed I was regarding my hurt and pain.
It scared the hell out of me then. I have accepted that it is a part of me...always has been...I just kept it hidden...for several reasons. First, it is ugly! Second, my FOO issues surrounding fear of abandonment didn't allow me to express this....after all, I was afraid I would be abandonded even when I was doing "all good" and "being nice". So I worked against myself in many many ways.
Back to your post....this is normal, this was a necessary step for me. The key is to feel it without immediately expressing it. Dont beat yourself up if you aren't good at this at first....weren't good at riding a bike the first time you tried either.
Try and accpet that you will fail to keep your RAGE completely under control and that you will succeed in hurting your spouse. But you will get to a better spot. It does get better.
I had a dinner experience recently at a restaurant where you basically sit in a circle around the chef. My whole family was there...and who completed the other half of the circle? My wifes AP, his 5 kids, and his wife! talk about a time to feel RAGE!!!
But I didn't. I was peaceful. I actually was sad for all involved. Sure I was still upset that adultery is a part of my life experience now. But I have processed through the RAGE stage. I am not bragging...I am using this as an example that processing through this can be done. If that same experience happened just 2 months ago...I doubt I would have been so peaceful about it.
I read the bible, pray, exercise too....it all helps. But time is an ingredient to this recipe as well. Unfortunately, you can't rush this.
You are doing well. I have not followed all of your posts, but two key facts jump out at me with this one post of yours.
First, you recognize how negatively your anger is affecting all of your life, not just your relationship with your husband.
Second, you are proactively doing things to change this.
You are doing well. I hope your husband is doing his part. But I have learned this really can be processed on your own, and in some ways it is only on your own that you can process through this.
Keep the faith.
p.s. My RAGE started about 4 months out...and lasted 2 months. I almost hesitate to include that part for fear you will start the timer...NOW. And if in two months you still feel anger you use that as evidence to D. I still feel anger. I think I will for a while. What I am doing differently is not reacting so violently to that feeling. KWIM? In my case, I had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old...that is where the personal growth and change is taking place in me...and is why my wife has very little role in facilitating that change.