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Open Wound Again

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kroma posted 10/8/2013 09:51 AM

It's been 5 weeks since I moved out. My emotions have gone from angry (at myself) to sad to confident to worthless and so on. The hurt won't go away and I hate waking up every day.
Last week we met with a separation mediator per my wife's request. We were both extrememly sad but in the end it was best for her. She needed to have this done. And since I have noticed a difference in our communication. Although she doesn't say there's hope for us she just seems less angry and miserable. It helped that we celebrated our daughters 14th b-day together as a family over the weekend. I know my wife better than anyone and I could tell things were beginning to be a little more positive. Then yesterday happened.

Without getting into details the whole thing came back to blow up and the wound is wide open once again. It was an unexpected event that I had no control over leave it at that. She's angry and it feels like it's right back where we started.
Craziness is that for the most part I've been doing well living on my own. Life with the kids have been good. It's hard bc the family unit is gone but we're both trying.
I know this has been just as hard on her too. She hates this. She always wanted the perfect family and she deserved to have that. This isn't what she signed up for and certaintly didn't deserve any of it. I try and understand her anger as best I can although not ever having that done to me. I just wish moving on wasn't this hard. Truth is Im still in love. Truth is I miss my family. But it's her decision and I have to continue moving forward and accept what happens. I know I've said I would never give up on her but it's getting harder. The pain feels worse and no matter how hard I try and keep busy or do things or IC or whatever, I just can't make it go away.

Darkness Falls posted 10/8/2013 10:41 AM

kroma,

Well, at 5 weeks after I moved out, I was still a bawling wreck. 5 weeks is nothing.

Hang in there and keep moving forward. Remember that you can't control your wife or her feelings/reactions...you can only control YOU. Building a better "you" needs to be your top priority. Yes, it should have been done years & years ago, so you could spend this time enjoying your life and your family...but it wasn't; neither was it in my case. You gotta start sometime, though. You do NOT want more time to go by, staying the same person, with the same patterns, getting the same results, and then waking up one day in your 80s realizing your whole life has been a waste. Better to do the work now.

Be strong.

kroma posted 10/8/2013 12:51 PM

HB
You're right. It should've been done years ago. I was just talking with my co-worker and he says the same thing. He also said something that I really took to. My wife and I will always have a special bond bc of our children. No matter what. He also said there are 2 things you need in a good marriage. Friendship and trust. He said work on the friendship 1st and trust second. If you never reconcile than you at least will stays friends. If she can learn and want to trust then she will. Her choice. Then you never know.
Continue to support her and be honest with your feelings without smothering her is what he says.
All good advice from all different people.

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