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Really hitting me hard the last two day's

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whyme1525 posted 10/8/2013 12:15 PM

D-day was 6 weeks ago but yesterday was the first time sine D-day that i was home all day to think about what my wife did to me.. Quick background my wife of 9 years had a affair with a co -worker for 1 1/2 years witch I had a feeling she was doing the whole time and I confronted her many times but she just lied and said no. Then she got fired from her job and the reasons she gave didn't make sense so I started tracking her cell phone and sure enough one day she started sexting him so I confronted her and she admitted it.. then I found out that it happened in my bed one night while I was in the hospital... I just can't believe she would do this after 9 years of marriage.. I have seen a lawyer who suggested we go to mc so we have started that and the mc recommend her see a therapist on her own because of unresolved issue from her past with her father..the mc believes it is these unresolved issues witch caused her to do what she did.. Witch I understnd but it doesn't change the fact that she did it.. the last two days have just been hell I just feel like I have been hit with a 2x4. How can I move on from this?

2oldforthis posted 10/8/2013 12:36 PM

Yes you can move on from this. You will. I know that this is just one of those statements that is said so much but here it is, "First I am sorry but it will take time. I don;t even like to say that because it is "so: you know generic. Really though that is what it is. It takes time to work thru the hurt. It takes time to see if the WS is truely doing their part to help and heal. It takes time to see if the WS is going to start being truthful. It takes time to see if the WS is going to work hard on their issues.

I am sorry you are hurting today, but it does comes in waves. Once you think you are over it you will have a bad day.

I am over 6 yrs out of a terribly long betrayal. I still every once in awhile have a bad day but all in all I can converse with WS like a human being and live my life in much less stress.

Know you have been heard. Keep posting we are hear to listen and help.

RyeBread posted 10/8/2013 13:12 PM

Witch I understnd but it doesn't change the fact that she did it.

Nothing worse than being the collateral damage to someone else's f'd up issues. Be careful that those issues aren't used to minimize or deflect her responsibility for her choice to have an affair. Regardless of the why's she still has an obligation to be transparent and honest with you. She needs to be showing you that she is a safe and trustworthy person to be in a marriage with.

Very sorry for what you are going through. You are not alone my friend.

Dawnie posted 10/8/2013 13:17 PM

I am 4 years out and divorced from my XWH. But I was once where you were, my XWH also had the OW in our bed. This was more hurtful to me than anything, that he brought this person into our marital bed is just such an evil act in my opinion. I still cant wrap my mind around that piece of this.

The only way to move on from this is to do it.... and know that it is hard but you will survive. When I left my 20 year marriage I was so lost and devistated.... 4 years later I look back and see that this was a gift in disguise. I am happier today then I have ever been in my life....

Hang in there


tushnurse posted 10/8/2013 14:03 PM


There will be days when you just feel so dark, and broken, that you can't believe it's your life. It's time like that what you do really matters. Find something productive to do, that makes you feel better about yourself, and stronger. Even if it's going for a run/walk, or weedeating your yard. Do something that uses some energy, and allows you to see immediate positive results.

This is a long road that you have started down, and will have many turns. Some will be scary, some will be fun, but in at the end you will realize you are stronger, better, and smarter.

You are doing the right things, and it sounds like she is too. Hang in there.

((((and strength))))

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